Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The Rejuvenation of Love

here is the picture i have talked about before signifying the change in my marriage. here is where i showed you a drawing that represented the turmoil i was feeling earlier in my marriage. i chose to use color, not because i feel like grays and blacks represent sadder times necessarily, but because it just seemed fresher to have color with this refreshing feeling! :) it took me FOREVER to complete this drawing due to the constant attention my puppy demands! but i'm happy with the way it turned out and okay with how long it took...in the end it was worth it!

this past weekend was memorial weekend, and i was super excited to have tommy with me for 3 days! he's gone at least 84 hours monday through friday with navy business such as school and duty days...inspections and physical tests...it's a lot of time apart and i hate it! when the weekend comes (as long as he doesn't have duty), that's all the time we really get to spend together! because of the holiday, he was off friday and would have been yesterday had he not had duty...oh well! we had the weekend at least:) the weather was complete shit which was frustrating but we made the most of it...i cooked hamburgers in the skillet...we had peach cobbler and ice cream...we spent time outside with kakashi...watched movies...played wordfeud on our phones against each other and peggle on the xbox...drank whiskey in sun drop soda and shared black and milds...played catch and tug with kakashi...kissed a lot:) it was a great weekend together!

now i'm lookin' forward to 2 weeks and 2 days...i will be traveling back to oklahoma with kakashi for a little visit with family and friends and our infamous annual river trip:) i'm really really really looking forward to this trip! it'll be a new experience for me as far as traveling...i will be driving and it will be about twice the longest distance i've driven before...and i will have a 6 month old puppy with me! yikes! it'll be okay...i'm a defensive and aggressive driver;) i will be so happy to see the people i love...but i can't help feeling sad to be leaving tommy for so long...and i can't help feeling sad knowing that when i leave oklahoma and come back to illinois, it'll be about 6 months before i get to go home again. this whole gettin' married and movin' away thing is a little tough! i love tommy and would go anywhere with him...but it's hard being away from family and friends. it's just weird! well anywho! kakashi is bein' chill right now so i really need to do some cleaning and try to be productive while he doesn't necessarily need me right now lol! :)

Thursday, May 26, 2011


the windchill was 41 degrees thursday...that's right...i said windchill...in may...windchill. back home in oklahoma, we would be talkin' 'bout the heat index. not here...nope...windchill. kakashi doesn't care about weather...he just wants to be outside. and since he's still a puppy being potty trained, every time he goes to the door, i have to take him out...he might legitimately need to...well ya know. so i had to bundle up in my winter coat...winter coat!!! dang! it's memorial weekend for cryin' out loud! should be warm and sunny with cookouts and fun outside! yesterday was better as far as temperature and we actually had some sunshine. today was the warmest but cloudy:( sad face.

anyway! that picture up there is of lake michigan. i'm just a short drive away from this great lake. i call it the ocean lake...it's seriously intense people. that's probably the best picture i have of it thus far. that particular day was my first warm day here and it was windy as all get out. as a photographer, it was a new experience freakin' out over sand potentially gettin' in the crevices of my camera...i'm pretty sure that as much as i tried to protect it, i failed a little bit. moving on. the weather here seems to be more dramatic than in oklahoma...it is seriously almost JUNE and i'm still wearing hoodies and sometimes the winter coat to take the dog outside...not cool. ha. actually it is cool...but not in the "cool" way. ha ha ha. *cough* sarcasm!

just a little bitter. all right now! let's not be so pessimistic this weekend! tommy got a 3 day weekend for memorial weekend so i've really enjoyed all the time together. i just wanted to write a little bit and exhibit some photography...since i'm technically a photographer...that's my legitimate nationally recognized profession...but my heart has been in the abstract and my photography leans more toward documentary. but now that i've written this...i'm challenging myself...time for some abstract photography. aren't you so happy to be part of this revelation? well my friends, let's see where this takes us!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

An Uncertain Future

i'm working on a new prisma color drawing that will signify the change in my marriage. yep... writing about the marriage a little bit now:) i've always heard from the ambiguous "they" that the first year of marriage can be challenging...and that when you add the military, the level of the challenge intensifies! however, with every bit of marital advice i've received, there has been the constant disclaimer that every marriage is different...and i respect that and appreciate that awareness. it adds credibility to the advice in my opinion...my opinion being my own of course:) i have not been given any bad advice on the topic of marriage...so thank you to all of you who have offered such great pointers!

to be 100% honest here...i was afraid that it wasn't going to work with tommy and me. he doesn't really like me being so open about our personal affairs with such a large audience as the internet, but i think it's important to talk about the transition from bad to good because maybe it could give some random person in the universe hope in his or her own life. basically...i wondered if i was missing out on a better life...if maybe we just weren't the very best for each other...that there was someone better out there for each of us. it was a difficult and dark time...but to make a longish story short...we had some counseling and we communicated with each other and we broke down some walls and confronted some issues together. we pushed and challenged each other...and when it came to a point of changing or leaving...we found compromise and a love that couldn't be broken. it has been tested...and it has passed. we made our way to the other side. i guess i'm being a little vague. but if anyone reads this looking for hope...trust me...if it's strong enough...if that love is dominating enough...there will be a solution...there will be healing. and i'm a very...very happy woman now. and i love my husband like i did the first moment i realized i was in love with him...but an infinite times more! :)

i expressed our turmoil through art of course. i won't explain my exact feelings on what it represented...i think the viewer will construct their own story. but this is when i was afraid for our future...i look forward to sharing the current drawing that expresses a new hope when it is completed:) this one is "an uncertain future"

the 2 hearts entwined in the spiral together has been the symbol i created for tommy and me since our engagement. it will be seen throughout my art...so there's a nice revelation for anyone interested in the meanings of my future creations...the entwined hearts will always be tommy and me. and now you know...our journey together will be expressed forever in what i create. it will be a nice little adventure when i start adding other hearts to that symbol...that's a couple of years down the road just so y'all know:)

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Colored Glass and Jewelry

anytime anyone has ever helped me move all of my belongings from one location to another there has at one point or another or two or three been a comment about the amount of "junk" i own. i always reply with a good amount of denial and explain that most of my possessions are related to my photography and art...and therefore can not be qualified as junk! i may some day need that shoe box full of test strips of photos from my days in school...they could be really useful in some really cool project i might like to try some day! and there's no way i could ever have enough paints or pastels or pencils!!! if my friends want to give me the art supplies they no longer use, how can i say no? it's much more cost effective to accumulate these items rather than spending money on them as they run out. and i will always need paint brushes, canvases, and paper...and the scraps could one day come in handy too! i've never been able to cut this collection down...and i never will. so there! :)

i must admit that the remaining amount of my possessions that i own great quantities of are not related to art. but! i do have reasons for keeping them. my other biggest collection is books. i never sell them or donate them and i continue to acquire them even though i'm no where close to having read what i do own. the purpose for this is that i do hope to have my own library someday...a place where my future children can feel surrounded by the magic and joy of literature...where i have a nice big cushy window seat to laze about in with a nice big fat book:) books are treasures. screw digital readers! (even though i would take one...only for traveling purposes!) so there...you see...i can't get rid of my books.

and finally...jewelry and colored glass vases and objects. several of these items belonged to my grandma bonnie...now if you wanna hear about someone that never threw anything away...it would be my beautiful grandma bonnie...and yes...i resemble her the most between my paternal and maternal grandmothers...and yes...maybe i am a lot like her when it comes to holding on to things. but anyway! irrelevant! i have no where near the amount of stuff she had...of course i'm not quite an old lady yet either. moving on. when grandma bonnie passed away, i was up at school in iowa and couldn't come home in her final moments or for her funeral...it was a very difficult time for me. my mama asked me if there was anything from her belongings that i would like to have...i said, without hesitation, her colored glass bottles and basically any jewelry that no one else claims! they were my most vivid memories. i loved the way the light shined through the glass and painted the colors on the walls...how the bottles glowed like inside was something magical. she wore a lot of jewelry...and it could have been pieces she had for years or something she just picked up at the thrift store...but i loved here eccentricity! i wish i could have had her in my life just a little longer...to enjoy her presence as an adult. at least i have pieces of her that made her beautiful to me...and so i hope that someday my grandchildren see magic in my collection of colored glass and wonder where i've been with the jewelry i use to wear. to tie this in with art i could say that i've photographed the colored glass bottles before...but i don't have those cds with me or files on this computer. someday i will do some funky photography with the jewelry too!

well! would y'all like to see what i use to draw and paint with? haha:) imagine at least 3x the amount in each picture...that's about how much i have:) so thank you to all of my friends who have passed along their old art supplies to me! i haven't had to buy anything new in years!!! i really would be a starving artists without these hand me downs!

oil pastels, prisma colors, and graphite pencils...

paint brushes and acrylic paints...a woman can never really have too much! an artist...who happens to be a woman that is. at least i don't own a crazy amount of shoes:)

Monday, May 9, 2011

Tommy's Windmill

i wanna go ahead and share this next oil pastel drawing...it's my least favorite...i still kind of like it though so there must be something my brain finds pleasing about it! :) i started with the idea of doing something along the same lines as "amanda and jack" but it took on a new direction. when tommy came home from school, he told me it looked like a windmill...so i built off of that when i saw that it wasn't turning out like i wanted it.

so here is "tommy's windmill"

he frustrates me when it comes to art. he doesn't understand art and why people would pay so much money for art. for example...i own three 16x20 photos that 2 well known photographers gave me permission to print for my own personal use. i only had to pay for the cost of printing which was less that $6 a print...i spent about $75 all together to have them framed. i went to the gallery exhibit at their studio where they were displaying and selling several framed photographs including the 3 that i own...each framed photo was priced at $350. i felt lucky to have gotten the deal i got...but also proud and honored that these photographers cared about me enough to share their art with me. i told tommy that they were each well worth the price they were asking and he was totally stunned at the idea. since that exhibit, tommy and i have had countless discussions on the topic of art. to make a long story short...he finally came to understand that art that is sold for seemingly high prices are done so because they are truly "one of a kind." there isn't a mass production usually unless we start talkin' stock photos and art. an artist has to make a living! :) he may frustrate me with his lack of interest in art...but i know he supports what i do and i know he wants me to achieve success with it too...this is all i need from him.

so how much would you pay for a piece of art you really like? or what is the most you ever paid for original art? remember that jewelry and hair accessories and one of a kind clothing are all forms of art too...just to name a few that is:)

Friday, May 6, 2011

Amanda and Jack

well, it's taken me a while to get this blog going! i apologize to those who have been waiting eagerly to hear from me...'cause i know there are so many of you! ha! well anyway! like you can read in my "about me" section, the concept of this blog has changed numerous times...but i finally settled on it being a part of my art. i want to share the process and my thoughts along the way that lead to the final results! not like an art lesson though...there is nothing to be learned in my drawings and paintings and such except for maybe composition and the inner workings of my mind...if anyone even really wants to go there! i've got quite a bit to share now...but i'm going to spread it out and try to stay ahead with something new as often as i can...this seems like it will also help keep me motivated to keep creating! yay! so it's a win win for everybody:)

okay so here's a brief summary of the most recent transition in my life. i married tommy in december and followed him up here to illinois due to his current life as a navy man. but i'm not going to write about married life specifically...not now anyway. it's been challenging and dramatically different than what i expected...but i'm not gonna write about that right now either. i haven't made any friends, haven't gotten a new job, and haven't joined or volunteered for any military support groups or such...but i'm not going to write about that either...not now anyway. i've wallowed around in depression, cried buckets, seen doctors, and a bunch of that crap but i'm not goin' there either. not right now anyway. what i have done and what i will write about...is art:)

this first piece was created on a night i was drinkin' jack daniels mixed with some coke in one of my pretty blue glasses...the details are always relevant to what i create. sometimes because of being a direct inspiration and sometimes because i just...well i don't really know. moving on! i was also talking to my dear friend amanda. it's important to note that she is my favorite. truly. i must also say that i have more than one favorite:) anyway. she was the first friend to call me when i got up here...we spent the most time together before i left so withdrawals were totally expected! while we talked and i drank i felt compelled to grab my sketch book and oil pastels.

here's something y'all might like to know. well, somethin' y'all should know actually! don't ever ask, "what is it?" or "what does it mean?" my art comes from an abstract place in my head. sometimes there's a tangible object and sometimes there's not! it might just be a bunch of shapes or colors or lines or doodles. each creation has a special meaning for me...but it's only an interpretation of what i'm thinking about or feeling...i can't make the viewer experience those same thoughts. so! whatever you see is whatever it is to you! if you happen to see what it is to me, then my thoughts came through nice and clear or you got lucky or you're on the same wavelength. so please don't ask me to define or explain.

i don't have a title. i might go with something obvious like, "amanda and jack." we'll see! this was the first drawing completed in illinois and remains one of my favorites. i happen to have some viewer opinions! here you go!:)

amanda: "I see a dog figure up in the swirls and reddish area near the top left."

bryan: "
I got nothin. I suck at Magic Eye's. ;) Seriously though, I think it's well composed!"

sarah: "
I see a woman with blue spiky hair, a worm with a bib and sailors hat and a scary Ursula looking chick. That's just me though ; )"

joyce: "
A bear being carried off by an huge eagle to the purple mountains as the world explodes in volcanoes. Looks a bit angry."

i hope readers will find entertainment in my coming posts. i'm excited to share more art! a friend once told me that it seemed i was lucky enough to use both sides of my brain with equal strength...that i could be practical and impractical...i considered this a compliment! since i don't have a job right now, i feel like i'm constantly in a state of impracticality and it's total bliss! i haven't had a creative surge like this in years! i hope it is enjoyed! goodbye for now! here's amanda and me:)