My fight with depression has been challenging. I haven’t had the desire to draw or write for several weeks now. I can’t possibly go into too much detail on all the doctor visits and additional meds I’ve acquired, but I can summarize it pretty easily. Started seeing my therapist, Net, but have only had one session with her. Saw my primary care about my fatigue and have been prescribed a high unit of vitamin D to take weekly. Net told me to keep a journal of what I’m thinking of every time I catch myself in the yucky mucky grip of depression, and I’ve zeroed in on fatigue and one other element that I can’t share right now. So, I’m hopeful that after all the tests and blood work I’ve been through, that the vitamin D deficiency and therefore treatment may turn things around for me. My fatigue has always been blamed on being diagnosed with the Epstein Barr Virus and my depression, however, treatment has never helped with the fatigue. I pray that over time I can bring my vitamin D levels up and see a significant change. I need a blue light though because although I love being outside, I usually seek shade because of my fair skin’s problem with sunlight and burning and freckling. 10 minute doses of sunlight will help without hurting me, but my levels are so low that it’s going to take quite a bit of time to bring them back up. So I feel like having a blue light for fatigue therapy with contribute greatly to my search for relief of this tired feeling that never goes away. I would greatly appreciate any prayers, well wishes, good thoughts, and positive vibes y’all might feel like sending me. A big thank you if you do!
So I work in a photo lab again. I’ll try not to say specifically where, in case I want to complain, but I’ll try not to do that anyway since the fact could easily be found out. I am enjoying being in a lab again, but I do miss my old lab. It’s a very different environment than before and with several new and annoying problems. However being around photos and hearing customer’s stories are happy things for me…and I’ll start printing MY photos again…I have 2 years to catch up on. Pictures on the computer will never be enough for me…I need them in photo albums and frames…much more personal and adds something unique…since I know not many other people will have framed pictures of a cake that says, “Anchors Aweigh Mother F*****” for example! So yeah, I’m happy to be in a photo lab again.
I finally finished a drawing that took me forever to do! It’s called Over the Rainbow, and I think the title is significant because it was a struggle to finish it. Finally completing it was an accomplishment…I think suggesting the notion of “over the rainbow” is like saying I had a vision and finally completed it. I struggled with even liking it, and I wanted to give up several times…but I could never work past it. When I finished it, I took a picture of it on my cell and sent it to my dad for my parents to see. This was right before Father’s Day, and the night that I sent it, I got a call from my mama sayin’, “Your daddy loves that picture and would really like it for Father’s Day.” I sent him a card, but he’s still waiting on the picture…I need to get it matted and framed before I send it to him.
I’m really really really hoping that the vitamin D, the new job, and the completion of a difficult drawing are all signs for a positive turn around without all these dips I keep falling in to. I just want this fatigue to end…the end will be the light I’ve been searching for in the all too often moments of darkness.