Thursday, February 11, 2016

"Non Drowsy" Allergy Medicine...Yeah Right!

So many things on my mind these days. Looking for a new job; researching information on how to get The Ro Fo Sho Art & Photography out to the world; trying to lose weight and be healthier; worrying and thinking of different relationships and how to improve them...the list goes on...

And all the while I'm so tired with my depression, fatigue, allergies, loneliness, lack of energy...

I swear this "non drowsy" allergy medicine has been knocking me out the past few days...I'm fighting it right now. Ugh.

Sliced my finger open last night too! I probably need stitches. Ugh. Funny story actually...it's the same finger I sliced open my sophomore year of college, but this cut is in a different location. I didn't get stitches then either, and I have a faint little scar. This recent wound will more than likely scar as well...it's going to look like I hate my left middle finger! I must admit that I do find it amusing in a juvenile way that I inevitably flip people off showing them my sliced and diced finger...it's the little things. Ha!


Anyway! This medicine makes me feel like a zombie...I keep zoning out and staring at the screen. Okay, I'm giving in...fine then "non drowsy" allergy medicine, you win! My couch is calling...nap time. Hugs and love, my lovelies!

Zzzzzzzz,
Amy

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Bits of Beauty

I've been irritated and angry and hurt these last few weeks. I've been hopeful and inspired and motivated. Up, down, sideways, high, low, and upside down. Laughter and tears. Confidence and insecurity. Sense of success and fear of failure. Unwanted and not needed...rolled over and dismissed. Uncertain and tired. Pleased and let down. Alone.

My head and my heart hurt. Is this is a slump in my life with depression? Have I become cynical? Are the demons winning, or are the angels exhausted from fighting?

I don't know anymore...we'll see what happens next. Here is some art in progress and some bits of beauty and yummy foods and time with friends...







Dear readers, please hang in there on this roller coaster ride...believe in better days and happier relationships and luck and blessings. Hopefully I'll get out of this funk soon! Hugs and love, my lovelies!

Always,
Amy

p.s. Feel free to follow me on Instagram - amyrofosho : ) I would say I am the most consistent there in regards to social media and this little corner of the Internet.

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Mars on My Mind

When I was a little girl, I had several ideas of who and what I wanted to be when I grew up. My longest running dream was to be an artist; and I believe that, although I'm not exactly making money or have any sort of reputation in the field, I can call myself an artist. The second longest running dream was to become a photographer, and in 2004 I graduated as a certified professional photographer...check that box! In college I went from a biochemistry major, to journalism, and then to elementary education. Before and throughout my academic years I also dreamed of being a ballerina, Olympian ice skater, pilot, doctor, singer (still dreaming haha!), archaeologist, and more! But there is one dream, the third longest running dream, that I still think of...an astronaut!

Although I know I won't ever become one (at least in this lifetime), I continue to dream of going to space. The movie Contact always makes me cry and the movie Interstellar swept me away! I'll always be in love with Han Solo and the Star Wars movies of course, and Doctor Who is my all time favorite show. When I walk Kakashi at night, I'm always looking up more than ahead...I wonder about aliens and life on other planets...and yes...I'm constantly thinking about how I would react if the Doctor did indeed show up in his blue box in front of my eyes haha! Nerdy and proud right here, y'all!

And then there is Mars...sigh. I read and loved The Martian by Andy Weir (he is also a Doctor Who fan by the way), and I saw the movie...it was great, but y'all know how it goes...the book is better! I almost bypassed the February issue of Glamour until I saw in the bottom right hand corner the catch line, "Would YOU go to Mars?" Hell yeah! I picked it up and read about the awesome women scheduled for future Mars missions...yes I'm jealous! I asked my husband if we could apply to go to the red planet, and he very adamantly said, "NO!" Oh but what an adventure it would be!

So there it is, dear readers...Mars on my mind these days! My last two art pieces have been with the red planet in mind, and I just wanted to share those with y'all. The first is with oil pastels on pastel paper and the second is with watercolor cakes on watercolor canvas. As far as The Ro Fo Sho Art and Photography is going these days, I have a renewed energy to get my name and art out there, so hopefully you all will start hearing more about that endeavor soon...any prayers, well wishes, and positive vibes will be greatly appreciated!

Hope the rest of your week is delightful, my friends! Hugs and love, my lovelies!

Peace out!
The Ro Fo Sho


Wednesday, January 13, 2016

The Past Few Weeks in Pictures

How about a bit of catching up? I have a few cell phone pics I want to share since I was absent during the holiday season...and although it was an emotional time with the anniversary of Grandma's passing and with us being apart from our families, we had some happy moments :)

Tom's command Christmas party happened to fall on the exact anniversary of losing my grandma, but as upset as I was with the memories, I knew it was something she would have wanted me to experience and enjoy. Grandma would have really loved all the shopping I had to do to get ready...she loved seeing me get all dressed up, so I knew she was smiling down from Heaven!







It was really quite lovely and a ton of fun! Tom participated in a scavenger type game; he didn't win, but he got close and it was hilarious to watch :) I was really impressed with the party the USS Iwo Jima was able to throw...fabulous time!

Kakashi turned 5 on December 5th. We don't have children, but my dog is seriously my baby...he truly brings me so much joy...don't know what I'd do without him :)



He got some lovin' from all of us of course; he loves my friend Stephany! Not sure if that video is going to load, but it's of me singing "Happy Birthday" to him...I like to sing to him...'cause he's my baby!

I have a few pictures from Christmas I'll share here, but the good ones are on my real camera...y'all might see those next Christmas haha! Anyway! It was our first Christmas just the two of us since 2011, so it was very special to me...it was perfect. We had cinnamon rolls in the morning (a tradition from my family that I've carried over for us). Tom was adamant that we have a palm tree Christmas tree since we live in Florida, and since he doesn't usually care too much about the holidays, I made sure to make his one wish come true! We were able to get a few things for each other; funny story actually...Tom couldn't find the right wrapping paper so he used Happy Birthday paper; I thought it was sweet and funny! Kakashi had some goodies in his stocking; I love giving him gifts...again...he's my baby you know! We had a delicious dinner with Stephany and Victor, and then we spent the rest of the evening relaxing and being lazy on the couch...I watched some Doctor Who too! The day after Christmas was our anniversary...5 years being married!!! The time has flown by and we've had our ups and downs, but we've made it through a lot together and I think the best is yet to come :)






New Years Eve was a blast! We ate at Poe's Tavern and then spent the rest of the night at a bar called Pete's...played some pool, visited with friends, and drank some truly awful champagne at midnight haha! I'm excited for this next year for Tom and me...he's moved from sea duty to shore duty so no more under ways and deployments (although he's currently away at school for a couple of months), but after that, we will be with each other the most since we've been married...this could be interesting haha! The next couple of pics are of our New Years kiss and my top nine photos on Instagram for 2015...



2 things going on in those photos. 1. I miss my blonde hair...think I'm going to have to find a happy place with my color with red AND blonde! 2. I am the heaviest I've ever been in my life :( So I've started eating healthier...


I've always loved healthy foods the most anyway, but I've definitely over indulged in junk and sweets the past few months...I am an emotional eater unfortunately...so it's a challenge I must overcome and I know I will. Right now I weight 168.5 pounds...it's so uncomfortable and awful...that's about 30 pounds overweight; I'm officially obese for my height, and it breaks my heart. So now that I've officially shared this with the internet, complaining and crying over it just won't cut it anymore; I WILL do something about it! I already have a scale (I just bought it) right next to my refrigerator...I'll keep y'all updated.

Well, I need to wrap this up I suppose and go buy some lottery tickets! I hope everyone is having a great week and staying warm...brrrr...it's even chilly here in Florida! Hugs and love, my lovelies!

Happy Wednesday!
Amy


Sunday, January 10, 2016

No Name Calling...My Bad

One minute until noon, so good morning, dear readers! Just a quick little bit this morning/beginning afternoon time! In my previous post, Donald Trump, Gun Control, and Mental Illness...Throw down..., I got pretty heated up; and in my response to actions I find hateful, I responded hatefully myself. This is certainly not cool, and therefore I apologize for the name calling...let's not do the name calling thing around here, ok? My belief is that Donald Trump has said some hateful and ignorant things and that he has some hateful and ignorant ideas. My belief is that banning Muslims from our country is a hateful and ignorant act. I'll stand by my beliefs, but, although I wish I could, I can't get others to share them with me. To each their own...no more name calling from me!

I suppose that's all for now...I believe I shall get started on my lazy Sunday afternoon...drinking tea, reading, and listening to music...awww the simple things...

Hugs and love, my lovelies!

Have a happy weekend!
The Ro Fo Sho


Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Donald Trump, Gun Control, and Mental Illness...Throw down...

Alrightythen! The holiday season has passed, and it's a brand spanking new year! (Just in case y'all didn't notice...hahahaha...haha...ha...ha). Anywho! Dang...my spellcheck has lots of red squiggly lines going on back there...oh well...writing rules are meant to be broken! Moving on!

There are several things I would like to talk about, but I'm going to narrow it down to three for now and hop up on my soap box...

Donald Trump is a hateful excuse for a human being, and I find it deeply disturbing how many supporters he has!!! I don't have the energy, or inclination really, to start a political debate or discussion; I just want to say one thing. If you are an individual who thinks that The United States of America should ban Muslims, you're a dirt bag (to put it mildly and refrain from the enormous amount of cursing I would prefer). You are ignorant and hateful; and you better keep your opinions to yourself because I will tear you a new one since I'm obviously leaps and bounds more intelligent and decent than you are.

Gun control. Does anyone else find it at all scary that so many people are against stricter and more background checks? That after President Obama's address, a bunch of people went out and bought guns today? I know "so many" and "a bunch" aren't scientific measurements...I'm not trying to discuss statistics and the details of it all. I'm just saying that there seem to be quite a few people who are worried that they aren't going to get to buy their guns because of their background checks...these people probably shouldn't have any freakin' guns!!! Gun show vendors are angry for the potential decrease in sales because of these checks...ummm...why the fuck??? Sorry...I just had to let my dirty mouth go a second. If you can't pass a background check, you shouldn't own a fucking gun!!! Sorry again.

We talk about mental health here in this little corner of the internet world...it's our thing, y'all know. So of course I'm a big fan of the funding going towards mental health...it sucks that it takes people shooting other people to bring mental illness into the spotlight, but after the fact, maybe those of us who suffer our own illnesses but don't plan on hurting ourselves or others might have a louder voice in the open. And those who are struggling with the thoughts of hurting themselves and others might feel a little less lonely and more comfortable talking to their doctors about what they are going through before they act out violently.

Okay, so that's just a summary of my thoughts on those things...Donald Trump is a piece of shit (sorry); I like guns and support people owning guns, but not people who can't pass background checks; and yes yes yes, let's keep talking about mental health in the media!!!

Thanks for putting up with me getting a little political today, my friends! I have several goals for 2016, and one of them is to definitely write more ;)

Hugs and love, my lovelies!
Amy


Wednesday, December 9, 2015

December 3rd

The days leading up to Thanksgiving and the days that followed were extremely emotional ones...the holidays alone are always a more sensitive time for me, but this year has been the most challenging. A year ago, these were the days the cancer was taking over my grandma, the days she decided she didn't want to fight it anymore...the days I was trying to figure out how to get home to her. I was blessed by so many through Go Fund Me...something my sister set up to get our car fixed...those donors were my guardian angels. My husband was just days away from deploying, so I was struggling with wanting to spend as much time with him and wanting to make my way to Oklahoma. We were told that grandma had a few months left at least...but looking back now, I truly believe that Grandma was going to go when she wanted to go. Grandma was like that...when she got an idea in her head or started a project or task, she was full steam ahead...get it done now now now! I wish I had realized this on my drive to Oklahoma...instead I was angry at her for giving up the treatment. I was on the phone with my sister the day I started my trip, and Grandma shouted in the background for me to hurry...I snapped back to my sister, "What? Does she plan on dying as soon as I say hello?!" I was so frustrated and determined to change her mind to keep fighting when I arrived. I should have known. She and I were always going back and forth; she'd say, "Listen to grandma," and I would say, "I was right, wasn't I, grandma?" We'd smile and tease each other...our bantering was always full of love...sometimes I would say, "Ok, grandma, I should have listened to you," and sometimes she would say, "Yes, Amy, you were right." You can read about my last few moments with her in this post. It's been a year, but to read and relive it again feels like fresh grief. She did what I had snapped about though...Grandma and I only had a few moments together before she passed...

Yesterday was a year since her funeral. None of us were able to speak about her then...our grief and sorrow were too much. The pain and ache of losing her will always be a part of me...but now I can say the things I wish I had said then. Grandma was tough and stubborn...she could be hard and abrupt and downright bitchy! Hey, all of the women in our family can be bitchy haha...no judgement! She was smart and quick and feisty...she could get under a car with grandpa to help work on it, and she could make homemade noodles and cherry pies. She'd tear down a wall if she wanted and she'd cry telling stories about her sisters. She was an artist and incredibly talented with oil paints; she used to draw paper dolls for us when we were little. Grandma was loving and giving...she was brave and determined. We laughed a lot and and had so many inside jokes :) She loved her family. She was another mother to me, a teacher, and an inspiration. I miss talking (and complaining about) OU football with her...her voice and her hugs...going out to eat together...just...everything...

I brought one of her shirts home with me when I left Oklahoma, and I often hold it close and imagine hugging her. I've got it downstairs draped over the couch right now...she feels close :) I still speak aloud to her and even sing her favorite songs now and then...


I've been back to work recently, and I was able to write this without totally losing myself into a sobbing mess. I'm going to watch (and share) a video of her soon where she's teaching us how to make her noodles, and I plan on attempting that cooking adventure! I will always have tears for Grandma and I will always feel heart ache for her absence...but one thing I know for certain...she is always with me and I can feel her in my heart!

Special shout out to my friend, Stephany, for bringing me food and a sweet card on the 3rd, and for looking out for me during these past couple of weeks; it has meant so much, my friend. Treasure your family and friends, dear readers...don't ever take them for granted!

Hugs and love, my lovelies!
Amy