Monday, March 27, 2017

Singing with The Judds Instead of Cleaning House...

My favorite days start with my record player, coffee or tea, and sunshine...days where I don't have to be at work until later and I can be lazy and thoughtful in the quiet time when my husband is at work (he has a loud but lovable presence, y'all). I need to be more productive during this time, however, and that's not always the case. I'll usually tidy a bit around the house, but the housewife thing is really not one of my strengths. My ideal productivity would include writing and creating! But...here I've sat for a good ten minutes or so after writing that last sentence just singing along with The Judds on vinyl and snapping photos with my phone to share in this little corner of the internet world! So! Now I need to walk my dog and start getting ready for work, y'all! But first!

Depression update: I'm taking 40 mg of Prozac every morning, and that's it. I stopped taking the Buspar mainly because I can't eat grapefruit while taking it; and that's not working for me anymore; I miss my grapefruit, people!!! The days are up and down as usual, but I've been getting more sunshine, and that makes an enormous different in my mood! My primary thought with regards to mental health is that sometimes the medicines and the therapy simply don't work anymore, and the best way to start feeling better is to just be sick of it...flex those brain muscles and fight around those chemical imbalances and or deficiencies...seriously...adopt the "fuck this shit" attitude! Granted it has taken me 20 years to get here, but maybe if I talk more about it, it won't take so long for others to start improving. And you know what? Over the past couple of years I've started seeing more and more people talking openly about their struggles with mental health, and obviously I think this is incredibly important. My message for a long time has been, "keep the conversation going!" The hashtag is #stigmafree and I love it!

Dang it! I'm on a cognitive roll and want to keep going, but my dog and getting ready for work are on a time limit now. Damn.

Anyway! I have some art to share, but it will have to wait. Hope everyone has a great week!

Hugs and love, my lovelies!

Singing all the time!
Amy


Thursday, March 23, 2017

Off

Word of the day (blogging from my cell phone) before attempting to sleep: off. My third day away from work before I return tomorrow and it did not go as planned...I was very simply...off.

Couldn't clean and organize like I had visualized. Couldn't muster the energy to cook any meals. Couldn't move very far from the couch. Now I'm here in bed and feeling the failure of a wasted day.

Off.

This is the reality of a life with mental illness such as mine with clinical depression. I can identify it, acknowledge it, give it the middle finger, and hope for a better tomorrow...sometimes that is all that can be done.

And so I leave you with some art from the previous two days that were wonderful and lovely (the days were wonderful and lovely that is; maybe not the art). The last photo was of a drawing made with light heartedness in mind but can be interpreted as quite applicable for this post as well I must say haha!

(Note: I haven't figured out how to size photos from the Blogger App on my phone so I apologize if they are annoyingly large.)

Hugs and love, my lovelies!

Off
Ro Fo Sho






Congnitive Streaming

There is this constant narrative running in my mind; and I try to have pencil and paper handy at all times, but I don't always have the opportunity to take them out and write my thoughts down. And then I'm sitting here in front of my computer screen with all this shit running through my head and I want to get it all out, and it's freakin' jammed. So I go back over what I wrote and I try to keep the thought going and it comes out disjointed and the backspace button becomes the most popular option. Let's hear it for run on sentences and the word "and!" Jeez.

I made some brunch, started some laundry, brewed some tea, greeted my husband just home from work, and put on some Miles Davis Pandora radio......here I sit once again trying to recall exactly what it is I intended to pluck from my cognitive streaming...

Depression? Art? Dreams? Music? All of it really.

Here is something for now, I suppose...I don't write as often as I should and I haven't been sharing anything about The Ro Fo Sho Art and Photography or how my life with clinical depression as been going. Let's just keep it short and simple...I'm still here, still Ro Fo Sho'in, still creating. The sunshine has been the very best medicine, and I've been spending most of my time outside on my screened in patio, so this is where I will leave y'all for now. Here are some pictures of my outdoor therapy experience...





I will hopefully be back a few more times today in between times when I'm trying to be a good housewife and not the hippie chick I fear my husband doesn't like so much ha! 


Hugs and love, my lovelies,

Peace
Amy Ro Fo Sho



Friday, December 2, 2016

Can't Keep Me Down

Oh dear, almost 4 months since I wrote last...I'm so terribly sorry! Jeez I need to be better at this! Well, last I wrote, I shared that I was feeling a slip in my depression and hoping that it wasn't going to evolve into a an all out down slide on the roller coaster. Unfortunately this is indeed what happened. First things first...dear reader, please don't share any of the following with my mama...seriously! She will be so worried and she has enough to deal with right now...I will discuss all of this with her eventually, but I don't want to talk about it over the phone with her; I appreciate your cooperation. Moving on!

Allow me to summarize this progression in bullet form:

* Started feeling the slip 4 months ago
* Felt like medicine wasn't helping enough
* Tried finding a psychiatrist with no luck
* Missed appointment in October
* Ran out of medicine in October (repeat: DO NOT TELL MY MAMA!)
* Symptoms of depression became worse and worse
* Basically had a break down and ended up in the ER the other day
* ER docs gave me some medicine
* Appointment on Wednesday

Good times. My break down happened at work in front of my coworkers by the way...yeah...good times. Ugh. Luckily, my manager was very understanding and knew from personal experience what I was going through...she actually went to the ER with me and was very supportive. My coworkers have been incredibly supportive and encouraging, and I am beyond grateful for that! My manager immediately began trying to cover my shifts, but I told her not to and that I needed to work. I went back to work the next day...eyes still puffy from excessive crying and visibly tired from the emotional toll, but I showed up and I did my job.

So I'll keep this short and simple. I live with depression and anxiety, and it's a bitch...no lie. I got knocked down on my ass and kicked in the ribs. But you better believe I'm stronger and more determined and this darkness will not dim my light. I'm going to keep on Ro Fo Sho-in'!

Still here, dear readers...hugs and love, my lovelies,
Amy...The Ro Fo Sho

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

"When in doubt, take a nap."

Y'all know how depression goes...ups and downs...it's a constant motion. My up time has lasted so long this round; one of the longest periods of time where I have genuinely felt GOOD! I have been feeling a little slip these last few days, but I'm staying hopeful that it's not necessarily an impending down slide. It's probably a combination of things...allow me to list them please:

1. I miss my family terribly.
2. I miss my friends terribly.
3. I'm working more hours.
4. I'm trying to be the best wife.
5. I'm trying to be a best friend.
6. I'm stressing over finances.
7. I'm stressing over The Ro Fo Sho Art and Photography.
8. I'm about to start my period (sorry male readers).

I THINK I'M SIMPLY OVERWHELMED! I've loaded up my plate with goals and ambitions, and I've set my bar high, and I'm already fearing failure. Failure. There's that trigger! Anyway! Y'all don't need to worry about me; I'll be fine. It's important for me to share that not every day is sunshine and roses...we must keep pushing forward.

I feel stuck with my art business...I don't know how to price my pieces, how to package them nicely for presentation and archival purposes, how to get the best reproductions made...I don't know how to do any of this. It will take time and I need to be patient and keep researching...I know this...but I'm really so damn impatient! Agh! Sigh...it's going to be okay.

For now I'll leave you with one of my favorite A Beautiful Mess Happy Mail pieces and a quick Prisma Color Nupastel drawing from a few nights ago called, "The Blue Lady."




There it is, dear readers...just feeling a little blue these days...and ready for a nap! Happy Tuesday!

Hugs and love, my lovelies,
The Ro Fo Sho

Monday, August 8, 2016

Space for My Dreams

My surroundings are very important to my creative process...comfort and noise control are essential. I have trouble focusing these days in my old age (haha), and so I'm easily distracted. Plus, my head is constantly overflowing with ideas, and it can be challenging for me to sort them all out. A lot of times y'all won't see me on the blog for a while because I'll be sitting in front of my screen typing and backspacing over and over unable to write anything that makes sense. For the past five and a half years I've had plenty of alone time, distraction free...my husband (Tom) was away doing Navy Sailor business more often than he was home. My dining room was my work space of sorts with my nice big table that served as a kind of mini office/art studio. These days my husband is home pretty much all the time now...shore duty in the Navy life doesn't take him away as much, and I'm truly grateful for that. However, I no longer had my own space for creating. You see, my beloved does not have a man cave; the living room is his zone...he's a gamer...and the living room shares an open space with the dining room. My handsome gamer does the online thing where he's playing with people all over the country and they're all talking to each other on headsets...being loud and talking shit to each other...being boys...it's very distracting...totally disrupts my concentration. I love it though; I love how much happier Tom is these days, and our relationship has improved greatly this last year. But, back to the story! We have an extra room, but we've had roommates since we've lived in Florida; they were a much appreciated big help to us financially! Now we are trying it on our own; no more roommates; and an extra room...all for me!!! The Ro Fo Sho Art and Photography officially has its own space...and it's time for me to get back to work, dear readers. Today I will be taking photos of all my original pieces with my DSLR camera, and I will be researching the best way to get prints made. My goal is to start offering originals and prints for purchase by the end of this month. Then I will focus on organizing my photography. I should probably add some "To Do" lists to my "To Do" list haha! Anyway! I'm going to try and take and share a little video of my new space...there is still work to be done as far as more organization as well as decor for inspiration...but I already love it in here...I will grow my business from here. As always, thanks for sticking with me, dear readers, and hugs and love, my lovelies.

Love,
The Ro Fo Sho


Also, please follow me on Instagram at Instagram.com/amyrofosho and like my Facebook page facebook.com/amyrofosho...please :) And always feel free to email me if you have questions or need to talk to someone about depression; remember, this little corner of the internet is where I share my art and my life with mental illness - amyrofosho@gmail.com

Friday, July 15, 2016

Travel Sized Art

I've been writing and creating and dreaming and thinking and planning...my mind is overflowing with ideas and dreams and hopes...and I'm absolutely terrible at getting it all neat and organized. I use to be a champ at making lists...how did I lose this ability? I have no idea, but I hope to reclaim it. Or maybe someday I'll have a personal assistant! Ha! Anyway! My depression has been under control for a good little while now...I still have the down days; but it feels like forever since my last long slump, and I'm grateful for this time. Those of us who live with mental illnesses never know how long the good or the bad might go on. It seems we get sadder and sadder when we're down at the bottom and it feels like we'll never get out. But then there's a kind of anxiety and panic during the good times wondering how long it might last. It's a crazy roller coaster ride; y'all have heard me say that time and time again...I'd link previous posts but I don't feel like it, so I suggest searching if you're interested. This is what I try and tell myself every time: When I'm down, I keep pushing through knowing that it can't last forever. When I'm up, I push the anxiety to the side, and I try to live in the moment and enjoy and relish every drop of that delicious goodness. Down or up...I keep on Ro Fo Sho'in'!

Today, I will be working on bookmarks, and then I'm going to laminate them at work, and then I'm going to sell them! How much would you pay for a one of kind hand made piece of art you can take with you wherever? Travel sized art sounds fun to me! Let me know, dear readers :)


This is my dining room table most of the time...completely covered in The Ro Fo Sho Art and Photography shenanigans haha! This is actually a tamed version; composed for a decent photo! Up at the top you'll see some rainbow strips, and those are some simple bookmark ideas I've been working on. I should give myself a deadline for when I need to have my art available to purchase...I can't wait to (hopefully) start spreading it all over the world...awww...I'm in day dreaming mode now, dear ones...time to wrap up.

Keep on Ro Fo Sho'in', my friends and hugs and love, my lovelies!

Love,
Amy