Monday, November 24, 2014

Fall in Florida

Autumn has always been my favorite season very simply because 1. My birthday is in October, and 2. I love the colors! However, as I grew older, the Fall time seemed to become shorter and shorter, and the winter began arriving sooner and sooner. There is beauty in the winter, but with age, my tolerance for the cold has diminished; and it's really not a good season for people with depression because of the lack of sunshine and being stranded indoors so often! I think I'll feel better this winter in Florida...I know it gets cold here, but I've heard that the winters are shorter in comparison to several other states. So I'm hopeful that it will be brief and that I will barely be affected! When I found out we were moving here, I was excited for warmer temperatures but anxious about my favorite season. I had heard that the leaves don't change colors here as dramatically as they do in places I'm use to, and this really kind of bummed me out! The leaves are definitely not as intense here as other places I've lived, but, luckily, there are plenty of spots of gorgeous color to enjoy! Plus there's also the added benefit of the much more pleasant temperatures! I took a little stroll around our condominium complex and took a few shots of those lovely little spots...I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt just so y'all know how nice the weather is haha! Anyway! I couldn't pick between some of the shots because of differences in composition and composure and such, so you'll see some repeats! I hope you enjoy the sights on my walk!

Happy Fall and hugs and love, my lovelies!
Amy

(Images shot with Canon T3i and 18-55mm kit lens. Manual setting, ISO 800, white balance Sunshine. Some are SOTC straight out of the camera, and some have been post edited such as brightness, contrast, levels, and cropping.)


















Friday, November 21, 2014

Prayer Warriors and Loving Thoughts

I've called my grandma a few times these last few weeks, and every time causes me to miss her more! When we talked a few days ago, she sounded so defeated it broke my heart. However, along with that defeated tone, there was an undertone of anger, which was encouraging knowing that her spirit is still of the fighting sort! This morning, she was her usual upbeat self, always answering my calls with, "Hi, sweetie!" She wants me to come home right now, and I definitely wish I could be there with her. Finances and a variety of this and that really complicate the desire to visit family more often. I'm praying that she stays strong and determined for as long as possible so that when I am able to come home, she and I can have some more time together...good time. There it is...what everyone wants...just a little more time! One thing I do know and have witnessed is the power of prayer, and I'm so grateful for all the prayer warriors raising her up to God. And I'm grateful for the people who don't pray but instead send out positive and loving vibes and thoughts for her as well!

I want to write about other things, but I will share them in another entry. This one needs to just be for grandma! Thank you again for the prayers and positive and loving vibes and thoughts! I know they give her strength!

Hugs and love, my lovelies!
 Amy

photo from 2012




Sunday, November 16, 2014

My Grandma's Stories



My grandma is dying. Worst sentence I've ever typed, worst thought, worst feeling, worst everything. I'm having trouble writing this; I don't know what exactly to say...I feel so...numb. But I can still sense the overwhelming sadness and well of tears just waiting behind the numbness...the weight of it is pushing against my current somewhat dazed state of mind, and I'm voluntarily fighting it back. I'm not ready for the flood that is waiting to spring. I'm not ready for my life to be without my grandma...

Right now I need to be grateful that she is still here; no grieving yet. I want to remember the abundance of wonderful memories I have with her. I've been typing and backspacing for the last five minutes or so...everything I want to say is sounding like a tribute. She deserves that, of course, but writing it out right now feels too final for me...and too hard in my frozen thoughts. So! Time to walk away from this topic for now; I'm clearly not ready for it! But I do want to share the videos I'm so fortunate to have from my last visit home.

These videos were recorded in April 2014 shortly after a stay in the hospital due to breathing problems. She was not doing well at this time (not as badly as she is now), but I was upset with worry! So I told work I had to go whether they liked it or not (they were understanding), and I was in the car and on my way in just a couple of days! I spent almost a month with her doing little things like getting her coffee pot ready for the next morning to helping her bathe. Before I left, I cried to my mama and sister and told them that she needs constant care and asked if they could please promise me that they would take over what I had been doing. They hugged me and assured me they would, and I'm so grateful to my sister for taking over that role. It's the most emotionally awful feeling in the world being 1,400 miles away from my grandma. I'm eager to be home and near her again, but at the same time, I know it may be my last moments with her. But again, for right now, she is still here, and I can still talk to her! And I have these videos...I hope y'all enjoy! I included the video I shared before for those who may want to watch it again.

Cherish your loved ones, dearies! Hugs and love, my lovelies!

A loving granddaughter,
Amy








Friday, November 7, 2014

Stressing Stressful Stresses

My stomach has been hurting on and off again for days now...like heartburn pain but sometimes radiating in pulses from low in my belly to high in my chest...Tums and Alka-Seltzer provide little and very temporary relief. I think it's an ulcer...created by stress...oh the stress is overwhelming! It feels like a bundle of frayed and glitchy wires sparking and burning at random times...like if I start to feel too comfortable for too long, ZING...nope...here's a round of spasms of pain to remind you that things are not at all comfortable right now! I can't really share any details, dear ones, so I'm sorry for that, but I appreciate y'all being there for me to just vent a little bit! I do have a plan, though, that I started today...hunting for a job. I was waiting until after my husband deploys so that we could have as much time together as possible, but it doesn't seem like as much of a concern for him as his concern for me working. I've faced the reality, so I've spent hours today trolling the internet. Fingers crossed, positive vibes, and prayers would be great, lovelies! I found a professional printing company right on the street I live on...their site didn't list any career opportunities, but I emailed them anyway! Other than that, everything else just doesn't appeal to me. Working for years and then not working for a couple of years really screws you up! Well I think so anyway. Companies are greedier than ever; they expect more work from an individual in a little amount of time. So after re-entering the job world I found myself easily irritated and frustrated...too much stupid in too little time. Sigh. Anyway...

Financial stress is always the worst. It makes other stresses even more stressful...it's the stress that contributes to other stresses. I'm sure there are many more ways to say it, haha, but I think I've made my point. I'll share more of my plan as it unfolds...hopefully I can report bits of success along the way!

Well, Tom's ship is home and we've got a lot of Sailors over here, so I should probably be a good hostess now! Thanks again for letting me vent a bit! Now let me see what picture might be relevant to this post...


This was from earlier today...a little fenced in space I let the dogs run around in. Great thinking spot! So now y'all can see the very place where my thoughts for this post were...ummm...thought of. Hahaha...good times good times!

All right, y'all! Have a great weekend and hugs and love, my lovelies!

The always pensive,
Ro Fo Sho

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Lost and Grasping

Hello, dear ones! I've been outta town for a couple of weeks and just haven't found the time to write. I'm also still struggling with my depression, but I'm doing my best...getting up every day and pushing through. Some challenges have come to light that will be demanding my attention, and some sadness has been shared that will be pressing on my heart. Right now I feel lost...just lost. Every little and big matter is up in the air simply hovering out of reach...I'm grasping for answers, solutions, hope, and clarity. If I could be summed up in one word right now, it would probably be discombobulated! Sigh. Anyway. This trip has had some great moments, and I've cherished the time with my friends...I will miss them terribly as always!

Halloween was a blast as usual, so I managed a few cell phone pics. First I'm going to share some from an early Halloween party Tom and I hosted earlier in the month since we were going to be apart on the day of...




As you can see...ahem...I like to get in to the spirit! Haha! We had a blast and I met some new and great people! Here in Virginia I tried for the same scary kind of look...I freaked the trick or treaters out!

Good times I tell ya...good times! Haha! It's definitely Autumn here in Virginia...I left a very green and warm Florida and arrived in a crisp and colorful fall! I just have a cell pic, but I intend on shooting tomorrow before I head home on Tuesday...


Oh yeah! Here's my pumpkin I carved...


Classy right? Right. Oh I amuse myself :)

Okay. Well. That's all I want to write about now. I received some very upsetting news about my grandma, and I'm not ready to talk about it yet. I would appreciate the prayers though! I will be back soon, y'all! Hugs and love, my lovelies!

Love,
Ro Fo Sho

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Oh Jeez...Am I A Desperate Housewife?!

My Birthday was filled with happy wishes and kind words, and it really was a lovely day. It was so different from birthdays before, and I ended up feeling very emotional about it. In the past, I would have friends and family to celebrate with...if not the day of, the weekend following. And even though I was lucky to have my husband here (instead of gone doing Navy things), I felt very lonely. Tom was very sweet giving me a silly card and beautiful flowers, but all in all birthdays are really not a big deal to him, so he didn't make a fuss. Like I said before, I know that I'm pretty much alone in the fact that I love celebrating birthdays. And again, I don't want to seem self centered!  It's not that I think I deserve a fuss and the attention, and I don't want to sound ungrateful for the birthday wishes and Tom's gesture. They made my day! They made me smile and feel loved, and they made me laugh and reminisce. I'm so thankful for the friends and family and people in my life...I feel blessed to know and love so many! And, I love my husband passionately and (usually) understand his ways haha! But I realized where my lonely feeling came from...getting older means time has passed and life has changed. My family and Okie friends are half of our country away; I left some of my very best friends in Virginia; and my friends here in Florida have their own lives and obligations. My new friendships here have not yet evolved past casual acquaintances and social networking. Tom has been wrapped up with the card game Magic, and he's now completely obsessed with Destiny like all the other gamers in the world. And finally, my interests are either solo or require (preferably) other people to go and do things with like bars or dinner and such. I guess, to try and summarize it all, I don't get as much face to face time with my friends or my husband as I would prefer, and I'm a big baby about it (whining and pouting and stomping feet)! Eventually I will have a job and hopefully several projects with The Ro Fo Sho A & P (art and photography) going on to keep me occupied...but an active social life has always been a big part of my life...and I don't have that anymore. Ugh. I sound like a desperate housewife! I'm 32, married, have no children and no job. My husband is wonderful and a great provider, but he deals with a lot of bull shit at work, and I feel guilty asking for more of his time away from his games. A neighborhood of friends and family close by would fix the situation. Since I don't have those conveniences, what do I do? I know: grow new friendships, stay busy, be creative, and get a job (eventually). (note: waiting till after my husband deploys to job hunt)

Thanks for listening y'all. I've created an email exclusively for this blog. If any of y'all would like to discuss any of my posts, make suggestions for content, or have any questions concerning the topics I discuss, please feel free to email me at amyrofosho.gmail.com. Call me Amy, Amy Ro Fo Sho, Ro Fo Sho, or The Ro Fo Sho...or "hey you" etc. if you prefer haha!

I'll leave y'all with the gorgeous flowers and silly card from my husband :) And again, I appreciate all the people in my life and having this little corner of the Internet world to ramble about in and share with you all. Hugs and love, my lovelies!

Desperate Housewife? ugh.
The Ro Fo Sho



Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Keep on Ro Fo Sho-ing...

It's afternoon time, but I had breakfast late, and now I'm sitting here sipping tea, so I'm going to just go ahead and say good morning! Aren't you glad I explained my salutation first? Not many people will do that for you! Anywho! Pumpkin Spice Brulee tea from Teavana for anyone wondering...wonderfully delicious! Shout out to my readers from France! My page views indicate I have a good number of people in France stopping by...I'm not sure if y'all are lingering long enough to read a bit or just passing by, but either way, it makes me happy having you take a peek! Thank you!

The number of my page views is steadily climbing, but I'm not getting any more followers and no one is adding me to their Google+ circles. This bothers me, and I feel like it shouldn't; I feel like I'm asking for attention in a vain kind of way, and I don't mean to! I would just like some feedback, you know? Am I helping anyone at all with my discussions on depression and mental illness? Does anyone care about my art and photography? A yes and yes would make me happy, but if it's a no and no, well that's okay too. It helps me to discuss my depression and I'm proud to share my art and photography even if it doesn't appeal to the masses! So I'm just gonna keep on Ro Fo Sho-ing it :)

Well, I guess that's all there is to say about that right now. That's the first time I've used "Ro Fo Sho-ing" in my writing...first time in my life actually. I officially feel a boost to my coolness level...and yes...it's perfectly cool to have a coolness level! Okay I'm really rambling now! Readers, please feel free to incorporate "ro fo sho-ing" into your vocabulary, but please do give me the credit if you don't mind! Ro fo sho-ing is the act of keeping on doing what you're doing with the self awareness of one's own awesomeness!

This new little derivative of my "stage name" may be some extra help these days. Still trying to feel balanced and stable again, and still struggling with fatigue. My husband comes home from work and asks me how my day has been...lately my response is, "I'm struggling today." He wraps his arms around me and rubs my back and kisses me and holds me and says, "I'm sorry, baby." I'm so lucky to have him. When he's away, it's hard to feel motivated...I could easily sleep off and on all day. When I know he'll be coming home after a work day, I make myself get up and be productive. He works so hard and provides so much for us, so I feel badly when I get behind on housework and such. Oh but I'm rambling again!

Mmmk time to wrap up or this is going to be the ramble of all rambles! First, thanks again for stopping by people of France! Ireland, Canada, Denmark, and Poland, I see a couple of you have stopped by...hope you'll stay! Hope everyone has a great week and keeps on ro fo sho-ing it!

Ooops one more thing! My last post was my 100th entry!!! Yay!!! I imagine someday I will have give aways and such for milestone numbers as far as posts, years writing, and maybe even followers if that number ever changes haha!

Thanks for letting me ramble! Hugs and love, my lovelies!

Ro Fo Sho-ing,
Amy

p.s. Random pic of the day! Cheers!