Jumped Twice

we had storms last night and the night before. tommy was away for duty on the night before, so kakashi and i went to bed just the two of us...right when we were really falling asleep, there was a super bright flash of lightning followed by the most jolting crack of thunder! we both flinched and kakashi raised his head to look at me for reassurance. my heart was beating a millions beats a second, but i gently pet his head and told him it was okay...but holy moly it sounded like a gun shot right in the bedroom!

last night, i was watching tommy play god of war III and enjoyin' a drink while kakashi napped on the floor at tommy's feet. we had the window open and the blinds pulled back listening to the rain and thunder and watching the distant flashes of lightning. when all of a sudden, the distant lightning wasn't so distant and sent two bolts down in the wildlife preserve behind the pet area right outside our window...and an even more jolting crack of thunder boomed mightily sending me off the couch and kakashi under the dining table! tommy and i immediately went to our little guy and comforted and pet him...soothed his little shocked soul! and i said, "it's okay...it's okay...mama just almost got hit by lightning is all."

2 nights in a row jumping at the biggest booms i believe i've ever heard in my life! good times!

Dream Pieces

i wrote about my cousin kevin in this post...you should read it before you read this one if you haven't already. kevin's drawing i mentioned there was a collage done with pen...or so i remember anyway. it was a collage of what my young mind perceived as random images...i remember a face and parts of a face drawn throughout...but that's all that comes to mind. but it seems to me that every time i looked at it, i would find something else hidden inside. man i wish i could see it again! i know i would see something completely different than what my childish eyes saw...i would probably find a meaning or a theme perhaps. the drawing i'm going to share today was inspired by the memory of kevin's creation...i wouldn't ever want to copy...and i definitely wouldn't have the patience for the detail he put in to his anyway! but i like the idea of a collage of random bits...mine consists of relevant images in my life...but i don't feel like explaining. so enjoy...see what appeals to you maybe! (the image is a bit crooked, but i will be photographing all of my drawing with a new approach that will be better for reproduction)


i think i will call it..."dream pieces." i wrote something somewhere sometime ago about "shadows of dream pieces." i've been going through a lot of old journals and poetry and random bits of writing, so i'm not sure when i said that...i'll stumble over it again at some point...but that's just what i keep thinkin' of when i look at this drawing. i'm really proud of it actually! i suppose one should be humble and unassuming...but not me. i'm damn happy with this! in case you are wondering, i started in the top right corner and worked over and down...balancing areas with darks and lights and actual images and doodles. everything came to me as i drew...i didn't have a final product in mind when i started it. in fact...i figured i would either succeed or fail...it wasn't until i finished it that i realized i probably would have been pretty pissed if i had spent so much time on something i didn't really like in the end...so it worked out in my favor. i also realized something else...it wasn't difficult for me to do this drawing...and i wasn't focused at all on the possibility that it might look like crap in the end. i feel like whatever i paint or draw will evolve on its own as i create it...i haven't failed myself yet. now there are some finished drawings and paintings that i'm not completely crazy about...but i don't hate them or they grow on me eventually anyway! so i'm going to stick with my technique...it's satisfying and doesn't stress me out...and it's kind of interesting knowing that whatever appears on my paper or canvas comes from a spontaneous unplanned place in my mind.

my dreams are often times completely irrelevant to anything i've ever seen, heard, read, or experienced...they involve intricate plots and complex characters...different worlds entirely! sometime futuristic...never before my time though. oh! except once! i dreamed i saw jimi hendrix in concert and sat on the edge of the stage afterwards visiting with him...he leaned over and kissed me and i woke up...that was a wicked cool dream! but other than that, i don't dream of past time periods. only present or future. i should write them down immediately after waking, but i'm too tired to do that...i should though...hmmm...maybe someday. i really do have the most random dreams...ask my husband! this must be a part of how i am as an artist...i like it.

while i was home i added rainbow colors to my hair...


my mama said, "amy, i love that you're a free spirit...but do you have to be so wild?" i laughed and said yes of course." and then at one point she asked me, "how did you get to be so weird?" and i said, "you raised me that way! and that's a good thing!" she laughed and took the compliment, but it's completely true! my mama raised me to be open minded and ambitious...to be willing to ask questions and learn and explore...and to always want the very best for myself. she's an artist too...she draws and writes beautifully...she has a lovely mind:) so i believe that everything i dream and create comes from a place that has been a part of me since birth...a place my parents allowed to grow and develop with wide open eyes, open heart, and open mind. very early on in my life i learned that the status quo was bullshit and that collective behavior will eventually control one's life if one is not aware that it happens every day all around.

i'm rambling now aren't i? well sorry! i'm talkin' dream pieces here so that's gonna deviate in all different directions. i could even go in to politics and religion...don't worry i won't! haha! but anyway!

i'm distracted now. tommy is home for the weekend and it's our only time together really since he's gone doing navy things so much during the week! but before i sign off...i need to try and send some luck to oklahoma. you see...this is what happened. yesterday in this post i wrote about the horrible heat and desiring the rain again up here and wherever it is needed. and wouldn't ya know it the rain fell today...a lot!!! so...i'm posting "rain" again with hopes that maybe oklahoma will get some precipitation and a nice cool down asap!


hope this works for you oklahoma! oh yes, i would like to mention that it was my friend, liane, who requested i write about rain for oklahoma for good luck! soooo...good luck my beloved okies!

everyone have a great weekend! stay hydrated and cool!

p.s. "she wears a million colors. there's rainbows on her soul. she got a sign above her that says...i'm never growin' old!" ~beth hart~

Rain

i finally finished this drawing that i wrote about here...it only took me a month and 9 days to complete...that's not much...is it? is it? well it kind of is...but you'll see why once i actually show you the whole picture!!! that's not going to happen in this entry though. this is why: when i finish a picture i secure it in corner mounts on black paper thumb tacked to the wall in our second bedroom. i have to photograph it while there is still enough light bouncing around all the walls...and there's just not enough right now...the sunlight is too far removed from the windows in there. so it'll have to wait a little longer...but don't worry...i'll share another drawing! let's see...which one...



now this is not one of my favorites...but it's rain...which would imply cool refreshing water. and since most of the country is experiencing dangerous heat conditions, i'm sure we are all wishing for some cooler weather...and some rain for the areas affected by drought. i did this with oil pastels and although it may appear pretty straight forward and easy...the blue background probably took an hour. there's about 4 shades of blue...i think...that i applied over and over smearing with my fingers and adding shades here and there. it actually kind of drove me crazy. kind of. so then i had a blue background that kind of drove me crazy...what next? well...it was raining...like it constantly does...or did until i returned from oklahoma...here in illinois...so i went with that. big fat rain drops...it only takes one to soak your head or send goosebumps all over your body. yum! but i don't have a name for this piece...hmmm..."rain drops" or "big fat rain drops" or "fat drops"..."green umbrella"...hmmm...let's go with...ugh...let's go with..."rain." i like things simple...usually:) so there you have it!

i literally just wrote a whole paragraph and deleted it because i was rambling like a crazy person...and then forgot where on earth i was going with it! i just thought that should be shared...anywho and gumdrops!

it's too damn hot and the rain that i complained about quite often in the past sounds really good right now! i'm officially lookin' forward to autumn now!

Home

this is the last picture of me in front of the home i grew up in...i took it the day before i left oklahoma to come back to illinois. kakashi and i were in norman...my home town, for a month. about 2 years prior to this last day, my parents learned that their home was being foreclosed. for those 2 years, they were contacted by the mortgage company a few times trying to work out payment options they could handle...options to avoid the foreclosure...but they never panned out. and then most recently, there was the obama bail out option. this was what my parents were waiting to hear about right when i left for illinois. the week i came home to visit, they found out that the bail out wasn't happening for them...the options were out the door...the foreclosure was continuing. the week i came home to oklahoma, i found out that the home i grew up in would be up for the sheriff's sale august 3rd. there are things about this trip home that i want to write about...but tonight...my first entry back in illinois...i want to write about this place.

i was in kindergarten when we moved there...my parents found this place because it was close to my elementary school...a quaint little country school out by lake thunderbird. our home was just right down the street from lake thunderbird. we lived on two and half acres surrounded by thick woods...we couldn't even see our neighbors and didn't have to if we didn't want to! my siblings and friends and i explored the woods and created medieval worlds and fantasy lands full of magic and adventure. we were completely sheltered by trees...there was always a spot for shade...a perfect place to throw a blanket down and journal or draw or play guitar...just daydream or watch the clouds through the leaves. at night the stars were bright little crystals burning so clear in the sky. all i'm doing now is summarizing...i could go way in to depth over all these little bits... and i will have to someday. because when i think about all the stories i have from this place, my memories feel full of magic. i'll have to delve more in to each one...paint the pictures i hold in my head with all the beautiful strokes and colors...it really was such a special place!

for a time i wanted to live in town...have a sidewalk to ride a bike on. not be surrounded by ticks! be closer to the action i suppose. but i appreciated the country life more and more as i got older. while i was home, i got to spend a couple of nights there and even take a couple of naps in my parents bed. sleeping there wasn't like it use to be since i didn't have my own room anymore. but the naps in my parents room were so peaceful. i could smell my mama on her pillow...remembered sneaking in to their bed when i was too afraid of the dark. i'm grateful for those last moments there.



my sister and her husband and son joined me out here with our parents on my last night in oklahoma (my brother was out with his girlfriend...little turd!). we shot off some leftover fireworks, ate spaghetti, played with my nephew, and simply visited. the minutes ticked by and i became more and more emotional as my departure time approached. the flood gates opened when i said goodbye to my sister and nephew...jackson's four year old mind doesn't quite grasp the distance and time apart in my new reality and it makes it tougher for me. and of course i'm always worrying about my sister. i hugged my parents about three times each:) it was hard to walk out that door. they stayed in the doorway as i backed out of the driveway and out in to the street...i drove away crying knowing that it was the last time i would leave that place and drive down that road. i'm not exaggerating at all when i say that this was my hardest goodbye.


now i have to think about oklahoma as being where i am from and focus on establishing "my home" wherever i am. this can be challenging considering that tommy, kakashi, and i are officially a military family...and will most definitely be relocating a few times! however, being away from tommy for a month and being so anxious to return to him helped me put my finger on something. very simply...tommy is home. wherever he is...whenever we are together...that is home. but...my oh my...i'm going to miss this house my parents made in to such a beautiful place to grow up in!

Shooting More

in 2004 i went to the oklahoma school of photography and graduated as a nationally recognized professional photographer and lab technician. back then (which is kinda funny being as it's only been 7 years) digital photography had been around for a while, but my instructors were very skeptical that it would ever be as good as film. a year later, one of those guys (who i could actually go on and on about...and will probably do so later because he was such an inspiration to me...but not yet because that's not the focus here) bought a digital slr...and so a few months after finding this out, i bought the same one! i still use it...a canon 20d...i will not tell you about my lenses...because i will be embarrassed and sad...it's all about the lenses when it comes to photography...and mine are a major fail:( anywho and gumdrops! moving on! longish story short! i did studio work a couple of times. i did freelance senior portraits and weddings...did a quinceanera and some work events as well. worked in a photo lab for about 6 years and that only ended recently. out of all of these photography related jobs, the lab work was actually my favorite...even though it was a 1 hour lab without any requirement for the degree of knowledge i possess...my professionalism and the professionalism of the team i put together made this lab a well respected one with a nicely known reputation that extended to other states even! geez...here i am blabbin' about stuff that wasn't the point of this post! sheesh! okay so moving on yet again! i enjoyed the lab work and bits of the other stuff i've done...but none of these have ever been fulfilling enough!

my favorite part about being a photographer...the shooting i enjoy most...is capturing nature, unique perspectives, and scenes i find visually appealing. i'm just not a fan of shooting people...except for family and friends...i enjoy just candid photography of life with the people i love. maybe i don't like it because of the pressure...or the fact that my lenses are ridiculously amateur and humiliating. it doesn't really matter to me. i'm an over analyzer and therefore annoy myself too often...so if i can choose not to dwell on things too much, i go with that. my friend, roxy, and i use to go on photography road trips. we would get a map, pick a destination, drive towards it, and stop for photos and detours along the way. this was an all day adventure and man it was fun! we'd pack lunches and spend hours just shooting! she's married in kansas now and i'm married in illinois so our lives definitely took some dramatic turns...i miss shooting with her.

i miss shooting period! and here we come to the subject of this post! i need to take some photography road trips...start shooting just every day things that my little family and i do. i believe photographs are what make us immortal (which again is a post for another day!) and so i think about what i will have to show my future children and grandchildren. today i realized that tommy's xbox controller and his terrible mustache are things that should be documented:) the controller will probably look ancient in ten years and his mustache will be a good reminder of something to never do again!!! kakashi is a 6 month old puppy growing fast and is truly like a first child for us...i need to capture his every day behaviors in order to immortalize him too! so! for the remainder of this post will be some photos of our day thus far today:) i am challenging myself to take more pictures...capture more memories!












this is a pretty typical day for us:) tommy plays xbox. kakashi plays outside. i work on my art or other random things like this anklet a friend made for me a while ago...i added the clasp...yes my pinky toe is deformed...that is what happens when the toe is broken while it's still healing from another break...at least i have tiny feet...so my deformities can be considered cute! right? right?

ahem. so there it is! our day thus far:) obviously these photos won't make it in some gallery exhibit, but they are just as precious as any fine art to me!

Faces

my earliest memories involve art...i believe i've made that apparent before...sorry if my repetitiveness is annoying...it happens! the first things i can remember drawing were people. i started with a large circle...encompassing most of the page. their bodies were triangles connected right underneath the giant circle head. the arms and legs were simply lines sticking straight out with circles on the ends for hands and feet. the eyes were circles...the girls had eyelashes but the boys did not:) the nose was a little circle and the mouths were just a curved line. the hair was usually curly for the girls and spiky for the boys. as i got older i noticed the shape of our faces were more of a "u" or oval shape rather than a circle plate face! i started copying other drawings and noticed how facial features were drawn and started doing those more realistically as well. my mama and my grandma could draw and i learned from them too. there is quite a bit more about the development and learning process as to how i learned to draw, but the focus today is faces.

my dad once asked me why i drew so many different faces all the time. i was probably about eleven years old or so and very insecure with my own appearance...so my response was that i liked drawing pretty faces because i wished my face was prettier. my dad of course rubbed my back and told me how pretty i was...which i of course smiled and thanked him, but knew he had a biased opinion! i must say that lookin' back at pictures of my youth, i was a pretty cute kid! the things i disliked about myself became things i love about myself...freckles and pale skin...or things that were corrected by doctors such as crooked teeth and a genetic gum condition (which after braces and surgery left me with a smile i love). at the time i thought my tan blonde sister who was taller and more athletic than me was far prettier than me...i was very insecure...like i said...but i grew out of it! i'm not always too pleased with my face, but it's my face and i love myself so i love my face:)

as i grew as an artist, i became more particular about faces being just right... which too me was symmetry...which is not really true life...but i guess the "ideal" beauty is such. anyway! one thing i lack and will be apparent quite often in my ramblings, is patience! so out of my lack of patience, evolved the "half face" i so often draw! i have these 2 to share that you see above and will see below, but i don't know what to title them! and in case you are wondering, no i do not wish my face resembled these and no i don't draw them wishing for beauty to be bestowed upon me. i think my desire to draw these faces comes from my affection for my own...as in my eyes and my mouth...hell even my nose...i love these features of mine. i love how big and green my eyes are and how full my mouth is...my nose is nicely proportioned. yay for me having positive body image! (my only dislike is my giant forehead but no big deal!) anywho and gumdrops! i love drawing these types of images...but i don't know what kind of series to call them or how to title them individually. any ideas would be appreciated? but if i receive none...i'm sure i'll come up with something!




so with this last image, i leave you with this...find a positive image for yourself...and be in love with yourself. everyone has at the very least one feature they can identify as a something they like about themselves. i believe if people start finding and discovering these things about themselves...start loving themselves for what's inside and out...they will know a greater happiness in life.

Leaves

i believe that if you take an object that anyone can identify and photograph it and turn it around in post production cropping, that it should qualify as abstract...does it? or am i making my own rule...'cause i do that...and i don't feel bad about it. i like leaves. i've always liked leaves! 3 of my most vivid memories:

1) i use to draw landscapes and flowers and such when i was a kid. my trees were usually the broccoli type or the pine type...easy to draw and no trouble identifying what they were. then i went through a phase where i would draw every single leaf on a tree...yes...it took a long time...no...it was not very much fun.

2) i love the contrast of vivid, almost neon green trees against the steel gray of a sky warning of impending thunderstorms. especially when i would drive between school in iowa and home in oklahoma, coming through kansas city, and occasionally see the peppering of said trees through the cityscape. i believe i love kansas city for these memories:)

3) oh geez...i forgot what number 3 is...hold on a second. oh! i remember! i always loved the change between winter and spring (which is weird since fall is my favorite season and i love fall leaves...and i love the change...but the favorite actually goes to the other transition). anyway! i grew up in the country and our home was (and still is...parents still there) surrounded by trees and a little bit of woodlands...or forest...or...just country. when march came around, one of the first things i would do in the morning was look out the window to see how much green had sprouted. it always seemed like a little bit at a time...and then maybe there would be a weekend of rainy weather and come monday at the bus stop, it was like an explosion of green! i loved it:) and now that i'm thinkin' 'bout it...maybe my affection for this transition is because as a kid, to me, when the world started turning green, it meant that summer was almost there and summer break too! that makes sense.

so yeah...leaves! they're great! and of course, i loved climbing trees! i could spend hours in my favorite tree in my grandparents' yard...i had to throw a rope over a branch and climb up at kind of a slope. then i could gather the rope up and no one could come up unless they got a ladder to get them to the first step or if i lowered the rope. oh i loved that tree! it got hit by lightning. i cried:( oh no...i wasn't in the tree when that happened...don't worry.





and then my friend, amy, had a tree house that we would sometimes spend all day in! we would play barbies or draw or just talk for hours...sometimes we'd even take naps. that tree house was our utopia...life was bliss up there! it was surrounded with that camo stuff that hunters use...i'm sorry i don't know what it's called. but anywho and gumdrops! it was our little hideaway:) its deterioration aligned with our growing up...our heads weren't in the clouds as much as we got older...life was about part time jobs, college applications...boyfriends...blah! man i loved that tree house...how simple life was back then. i want a tree house in my yard someday...i'll even share it with my kids:)

i started taking pictures of me holding leaves or other bits of nature in my hands. i think i was inspired but other photographers doing this. i don't think it was my idea. that's okay...i'm not trying to take credit! i like showing myself being a part of the world around me...i guess like people taking pictures of their feet...i do this too. holding something in my hand says, "i see this. i can touch it. i find beauty in it. so i'm going to capture myself with it." leaves in the sunlight are always lovely...can't go wrong!




i'm happy my fingernails are clean. when i'm at the river in a few weeks, there will probably be shots of me holding my bits of nature with my dirty river hands and fingers...that's just nature though...it's dirty...in a good way:)

i really could go on and on about leaves. oh! i should tell you where these leaves came from! our upstairs neighbor has a patio full of plants that she tends to and throws the dead bits down below. so the front of our little patio is often sprinkled with petals and leaves...it's like confetti:) earlier today there was a little red petal that looked like a heart in the bright green grass...i didn't have my camera though and was tending to kakashi. anywho and gumdrops! i'm grateful for my upstairs neighbor with the green thumb.

something to look forward to my friends! i have gathered some leaves that i call "fairy wings" because that is what they look like to me. they are lovely little veiny whimsical fragile leaves! i'm not sure how i will photography them, but my goal is to capture the beauty i spotted in them sprinkled on the ground i walk over every day with kakashi.

hopefully, my love of leaves was at the very least entertaining to read. i think everyone should try to find some beauty in a bit of nature they see every day...or drive or walk through on the occasional weekend trips or yearly vacations. even a grain of sand or colorful weed can be a treat for the eyes and senses. so maybe i sound like a hippie...well i am a little and i'm okay with it. even my conservative husband can handle it...but i digress:) i love leaves.

p.s. my favorite tree is the weeping willow. not many down in oklahoma since they need a more moist environment. but lots up here in illinois!!! yay!