Tuesday, July 19, 2011


this is the last picture of me in front of the home i grew up in...i took it the day before i left oklahoma to come back to illinois. kakashi and i were in norman...my home town, for a month. about 2 years prior to this last day, my parents learned that their home was being foreclosed. for those 2 years, they were contacted by the mortgage company a few times trying to work out payment options they could handle...options to avoid the foreclosure...but they never panned out. and then most recently, there was the obama bail out option. this was what my parents were waiting to hear about right when i left for illinois. the week i came home to visit, they found out that the bail out wasn't happening for them...the options were out the door...the foreclosure was continuing. the week i came home to oklahoma, i found out that the home i grew up in would be up for the sheriff's sale august 3rd. there are things about this trip home that i want to write about...but tonight...my first entry back in illinois...i want to write about this place.

i was in kindergarten when we moved there...my parents found this place because it was close to my elementary school...a quaint little country school out by lake thunderbird. our home was just right down the street from lake thunderbird. we lived on two and half acres surrounded by thick woods...we couldn't even see our neighbors and didn't have to if we didn't want to! my siblings and friends and i explored the woods and created medieval worlds and fantasy lands full of magic and adventure. we were completely sheltered by trees...there was always a spot for shade...a perfect place to throw a blanket down and journal or draw or play guitar...just daydream or watch the clouds through the leaves. at night the stars were bright little crystals burning so clear in the sky. all i'm doing now is summarizing...i could go way in to depth over all these little bits... and i will have to someday. because when i think about all the stories i have from this place, my memories feel full of magic. i'll have to delve more in to each one...paint the pictures i hold in my head with all the beautiful strokes and colors...it really was such a special place!

for a time i wanted to live in town...have a sidewalk to ride a bike on. not be surrounded by ticks! be closer to the action i suppose. but i appreciated the country life more and more as i got older. while i was home, i got to spend a couple of nights there and even take a couple of naps in my parents bed. sleeping there wasn't like it use to be since i didn't have my own room anymore. but the naps in my parents room were so peaceful. i could smell my mama on her pillow...remembered sneaking in to their bed when i was too afraid of the dark. i'm grateful for those last moments there.

my sister and her husband and son joined me out here with our parents on my last night in oklahoma (my brother was out with his girlfriend...little turd!). we shot off some leftover fireworks, ate spaghetti, played with my nephew, and simply visited. the minutes ticked by and i became more and more emotional as my departure time approached. the flood gates opened when i said goodbye to my sister and nephew...jackson's four year old mind doesn't quite grasp the distance and time apart in my new reality and it makes it tougher for me. and of course i'm always worrying about my sister. i hugged my parents about three times each:) it was hard to walk out that door. they stayed in the doorway as i backed out of the driveway and out in to the street...i drove away crying knowing that it was the last time i would leave that place and drive down that road. i'm not exaggerating at all when i say that this was my hardest goodbye.

now i have to think about oklahoma as being where i am from and focus on establishing "my home" wherever i am. this can be challenging considering that tommy, kakashi, and i are officially a military family...and will most definitely be relocating a few times! however, being away from tommy for a month and being so anxious to return to him helped me put my finger on something. very simply...tommy is home. wherever he is...whenever we are together...that is home. but...my oh my...i'm going to miss this house my parents made in to such a beautiful place to grow up in!

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