Can't Keep Me Down

Oh dear, almost 4 months since I wrote last...I'm so terribly sorry! Jeez I need to be better at this! Well, last I wrote, I shared that I was feeling a slip in my depression and hoping that it wasn't going to evolve into a an all out down slide on the roller coaster. Unfortunately this is indeed what happened. First things first...dear reader, please don't share any of the following with my mama...seriously! She will be so worried and she has enough to deal with right now...I will discuss all of this with her eventually, but I don't want to talk about it over the phone with her; I appreciate your cooperation. Moving on!

Allow me to summarize this progression in bullet form:

* Started feeling the slip 4 months ago
* Felt like medicine wasn't helping enough
* Tried finding a psychiatrist with no luck
* Missed appointment in October
* Ran out of medicine in October (repeat: DO NOT TELL MY MAMA!)
* Symptoms of depression became worse and worse
* Basically had a break down and ended up in the ER the other day
* ER docs gave me some medicine
* Appointment on Wednesday

Good times. My break down happened at work in front of my coworkers by the way...yeah...good times. Ugh. Luckily, my manager was very understanding and knew from personal experience what I was going through...she actually went to the ER with me and was very supportive. My coworkers have been incredibly supportive and encouraging, and I am beyond grateful for that! My manager immediately began trying to cover my shifts, but I told her not to and that I needed to work. I went back to work the next day...eyes still puffy from excessive crying and visibly tired from the emotional toll, but I showed up and I did my job.

So I'll keep this short and simple. I live with depression and anxiety, and it's a bitch...no lie. I got knocked down on my ass and kicked in the ribs. But you better believe I'm stronger and more determined and this darkness will not dim my light. I'm going to keep on Ro Fo Sho-in'!

Still here, dear readers...hugs and love, my lovelies,
Amy...The Ro Fo Sho

Travel Sized Art

I've been writing and creating and dreaming and thinking and planning...my mind is overflowing with ideas and dreams and hopes...and I'm absolutely terrible at getting it all neat and organized. I use to be a champ at making lists...how did I lose this ability? I have no idea, but I hope to reclaim it. Or maybe someday I'll have a personal assistant! Ha! Anyway! My depression has been under control for a good little while now...I still have the down days; but it feels like forever since my last long slump, and I'm grateful for this time. Those of us who live with mental illnesses never know how long the good or the bad might go on. It seems we get sadder and sadder when we're down at the bottom and it feels like we'll never get out. But then there's a kind of anxiety and panic during the good times wondering how long it might last. It's a crazy roller coaster ride; y'all have heard me say that time and time again...I'd link previous posts but I don't feel like it, so I suggest searching if you're interested. This is what I try and tell myself every time: When I'm down, I keep pushing through knowing that it can't last forever. When I'm up, I push the anxiety to the side, and I try to live in the moment and enjoy and relish every drop of that delicious goodness. Down or up...I keep on Ro Fo Sho'in'!

Today, I will be working on bookmarks, and then I'm going to laminate them at work, and then I'm going to sell them! How much would you pay for a one of kind hand made piece of art you can take with you wherever? Travel sized art sounds fun to me! Let me know, dear readers :)

 

This is my dining room table most of the time...completely covered in The Ro Fo Sho Art and Photography shenanigans haha! This is actually a tamed version; composed for a decent photo! Up at the top you'll see some rainbow strips, and those are some simple bookmark ideas I've been working on. I should give myself a deadline for when I need to have my art available to purchase...I can't wait to (hopefully) start spreading it all over the world...awww...I'm in day dreaming mode now, dear ones...time to wrap up.

Keep on Ro Fo Sho'in', my friends and hugs and love, my lovelies!

Love,

Amy

Keep on Ro Fo Sho-ing...

It's afternoon time, but I had breakfast late, and now I'm sitting here sipping tea, so I'm going to just go ahead and say good morning! Aren't you glad I explained my salutation first? Not many people will do that for you! Anywho! Pumpkin Spice Brulee tea from Teavana for anyone wondering...wonderfully delicious! Shout out to my readers from France! My page views indicate I have a good number of people in France stopping by...I'm not sure if y'all are lingering long enough to read a bit or just passing by, but either way, it makes me happy having you take a peek! Thank you!

The number of my page views is steadily climbing, but I'm not getting any more followers and no one is adding me to their Google+ circles. This bothers me, and I feel like it shouldn't; I feel like I'm asking for attention in a vain kind of way, and I don't mean to! I would just like some feedback, you know? Am I helping anyone at all with my discussions on depression and mental illness? Does anyone care about my art and photography? A yes and yes would make me happy, but if it's a no and no, well that's okay too. It helps me to discuss my depression and I'm proud to share my art and photography even if it doesn't appeal to the masses! So I'm just gonna keep on Ro Fo Sho-ing it :)

Well, I guess that's all there is to say about that right now. That's the first time I've used "Ro Fo Sho-ing" in my writing...first time in my life actually. I officially feel a boost to my coolness level...and yes...it's perfectly cool to have a coolness level! Okay I'm really rambling now! Readers, please feel free to incorporate "ro fo sho-ing" into your vocabulary, but please do give me the credit if you don't mind! Ro fo sho-ing is the act of keeping on doing what you're doing with the self awareness of one's own awesomeness!

This new little derivative of my "stage name" may be some extra help these days. Still trying to feel balanced and stable again, and still struggling with fatigue. My husband comes home from work and asks me how my day has been...lately my response is, "I'm struggling today." He wraps his arms around me and rubs my back and kisses me and holds me and says, "I'm sorry, baby." I'm so lucky to have him. When he's away, it's hard to feel motivated...I could easily sleep off and on all day. When I know he'll be coming home after a work day, I make myself get up and be productive. He works so hard and provides so much for us, so I feel badly when I get behind on housework and such. Oh but I'm rambling again!

Mmmk time to wrap up or this is going to be the ramble of all rambles! First, thanks again for stopping by people of France! Ireland, Canada, Denmark, and Poland, I see a couple of you have stopped by...hope you'll stay! Hope everyone has a great week and keeps on ro fo sho-ing it!

Ooops one more thing! My last post was my 100th entry!!! Yay!!! I imagine someday I will have give aways and such for milestone numbers as far as posts, years writing, and maybe even followers if that number ever changes haha!

Thanks for letting me ramble! Hugs and love, my lovelies!

Ro Fo Sho-ing,
Amy

p.s. Random pic of the day! Cheers!