"Non Drowsy" Allergy Medicine...Yeah Right!

So many things on my mind these days. Looking for a new job; researching information on how to get The Ro Fo Sho Art & Photography out to the world; trying to lose weight and be healthier; worrying and thinking of different relationships and how to improve them...the list goes on...

And all the while I'm so tired with my depression, fatigue, allergies, loneliness, lack of energy...

I swear this "non drowsy" allergy medicine has been knocking me out the past few days...I'm fighting it right now. Ugh.

Sliced my finger open last night too! I probably need stitches. Ugh. Funny story actually...it's the same finger I sliced open my sophomore year of college, but this cut is in a different location. I didn't get stitches then either, and I have a faint little scar. This recent wound will more than likely scar as well...it's going to look like I hate my left middle finger! I must admit that I do find it amusing in a juvenile way that I inevitably flip people off showing them my sliced and diced finger...it's the little things. Ha!

Anyway! This medicine makes me feel like a zombie...I keep zoning out and staring at the screen. Okay, I'm giving in...fine then "non drowsy" allergy medicine, you win! My couch is calling...nap time. Hugs and love, my lovelies!

Zzzzzzzz,
Amy

Depression, Fatigue, and Busted Knee...Oh my!

Let's play catch up! I'm struggling to get my groove back here...everything I want to share is a jumbled mess, and I can't seem to sort through it very well. So let me give y'all a rundown on my health...get the not so fun stuff out of the way!

First! My depression is currently under control, manageable, tolerable...in check I suppose you could say. There were some major ups and downs during my absence with the approach of my husband's homecoming, homecoming itself, and the adjustment period of having my husband home. I'll have to write about that sometime...a depression and deployment part three post, or whatever number I was on. Still taking 60mg of Prozac every morning, but I'm not taking the 50mg of Trazadone every night like I had been doing. I'll take the Trazadone when I know I can sleep in the next morning because it takes a while to get out of my system. I eat lots of veggies and get as much sun as I can, and these are huge contributors to managing my depression! Every day is a challenge...some days are easier than others...but this a life with depression! Ultimately, you will be the only person who can decide what kind of life you want to have while living with a mental illness.

Fatigue. Ugh. I did a sleep study...that was an adventure! Nothing like sleeping with wires hooked up and stuck all over knowing that people are watching you and monitoring you in the most vulnerable situations of human existence hahahaha!!! Ha. The thing that sucks the most, however, is the goopey sticky gooey stuff left in the hair that kept all the sensors and such attached. Anyway! Miserable story short, I have "mild obstructive sleep apnea with oxygen desaturation" and qualify for a CPAP machine. I've yet to get the machine, but it seems to be my last hope for solving this horrible problem I have with extreme exhaustion! Just to remind y'all...I've been struggling with fatigue since 2003 and during the last 12 years, I've tried a couple of things. I was giving myself B12 shots on a daily basis for a while..yep...shots...needles...it's okay it didn't hurt at all and I have no problems with that kind of stuff anyway. Then I was taking a weekly dose of Vitamin D of 50,000 units for a few months. My blood work eventually showed above average numbers for B12 and D, but the fatigue still dominated. I'll let y'all know if there are any improvements after I've been on the machine for a little while!

The last thing to catch y'all up on is my knee! After physical therapy and months of waiting to see an actual orthopedic doctor, this is what I found out...actually...let me try and quote the doc...

"Um. Yeeeah. Your knee cap....is...not where it's supposed to be." He demonstrates with his hands how my knee cap is supposed to to be sitting and how it's actually a bit off the mark, and then he says, "and you have severe arthritis behind your knee cap. I'm going to need an MRI first to figure out exactly what...I need to do..."

Got the MRI done and my follow up with the ortho doc is October 1st...stay tuned my friends! Here's a picture of me with my jacked up knee getting a thumbs down!

So there's the latest and greatest, dear readers! I'm slowly but surely getting answers...the key is to stay proactive about it all, you know? Hopefully I'll get some kind of rhythm going again soon, but until then...thank y'all for sticking with me like you do...think I might go take a nap now...

Hugs and love, my lovelies!
Peace out,
Rof Fo Sho

Keep on Ro Fo Sho-ing...

It's afternoon time, but I had breakfast late, and now I'm sitting here sipping tea, so I'm going to just go ahead and say good morning! Aren't you glad I explained my salutation first? Not many people will do that for you! Anywho! Pumpkin Spice Brulee tea from Teavana for anyone wondering...wonderfully delicious! Shout out to my readers from France! My page views indicate I have a good number of people in France stopping by...I'm not sure if y'all are lingering long enough to read a bit or just passing by, but either way, it makes me happy having you take a peek! Thank you!

The number of my page views is steadily climbing, but I'm not getting any more followers and no one is adding me to their Google+ circles. This bothers me, and I feel like it shouldn't; I feel like I'm asking for attention in a vain kind of way, and I don't mean to! I would just like some feedback, you know? Am I helping anyone at all with my discussions on depression and mental illness? Does anyone care about my art and photography? A yes and yes would make me happy, but if it's a no and no, well that's okay too. It helps me to discuss my depression and I'm proud to share my art and photography even if it doesn't appeal to the masses! So I'm just gonna keep on Ro Fo Sho-ing it :)

Well, I guess that's all there is to say about that right now. That's the first time I've used "Ro Fo Sho-ing" in my writing...first time in my life actually. I officially feel a boost to my coolness level...and yes...it's perfectly cool to have a coolness level! Okay I'm really rambling now! Readers, please feel free to incorporate "ro fo sho-ing" into your vocabulary, but please do give me the credit if you don't mind! Ro fo sho-ing is the act of keeping on doing what you're doing with the self awareness of one's own awesomeness!

This new little derivative of my "stage name" may be some extra help these days. Still trying to feel balanced and stable again, and still struggling with fatigue. My husband comes home from work and asks me how my day has been...lately my response is, "I'm struggling today." He wraps his arms around me and rubs my back and kisses me and holds me and says, "I'm sorry, baby." I'm so lucky to have him. When he's away, it's hard to feel motivated...I could easily sleep off and on all day. When I know he'll be coming home after a work day, I make myself get up and be productive. He works so hard and provides so much for us, so I feel badly when I get behind on housework and such. Oh but I'm rambling again!

Mmmk time to wrap up or this is going to be the ramble of all rambles! First, thanks again for stopping by people of France! Ireland, Canada, Denmark, and Poland, I see a couple of you have stopped by...hope you'll stay! Hope everyone has a great week and keeps on ro fo sho-ing it!

Ooops one more thing! My last post was my 100th entry!!! Yay!!! I imagine someday I will have give aways and such for milestone numbers as far as posts, years writing, and maybe even followers if that number ever changes haha!

Thanks for letting me ramble! Hugs and love, my lovelies!

Ro Fo Sho-ing,
Amy

p.s. Random pic of the day! Cheers!

 

No More Naps and a Cute Little Monkey

I suppose I just took a leave of absence from here. I do apologize. It wasn't intentional; I promise. My last day of work ended up being right before Memorial Weekend, and that was a nice arrangement, but it meant a weekend full of socializing, which is great and wonderful, but time consuming. Please excuse my run on sentence if you will. Thanks! After a full weekend of friends, I had a messy apartment to put back in order...I also had a lot of re-hydrating to do if ya know what I mean. Ha! Sigh...I'm old. Anyway! I've also been super super crazy crazy tired! My theory is that when I had to get up and go to work 30 or so hours a week, I was thus forced to deal with the fatigue and push through it. Now that I'm back to my full time housewife role, I can easily take naps instead of ignoring the sleepiness. My intention for post photo lab life was to consider my house chores top priority and to also make The Ro Fo Sho my daily "job" so to speak. So, initially I failed at that. But! Now I'm rested, and I really just don't have time for naps! Oh man, I have so much to do...it's time for lists and battle plans once again...and a really short amount of time to figure it all out and get everything straightened, planned, scheduled, and organized.

Sigh. Again. I'm old. Can I please have a personal assistant? Unlimited amounts of money would be helpful too.

Well anywho! Here are some topics I've got lined up for the next few days here!

* Depression and how my attitude and "advice" thus far has been a little too vague.
* My husband's upcoming deployment and the numerous "work ups" leading up to it.
* Starting a new drawing...oil pastel on canvas...does that work out well?
* How I want pink hair...for reals.

Okay, that's enough to start with! I'm happy to be back and blogging...hopefully I can be more prepared with my next leave of absence so I'm not silent so long again!

Thanks for sticking with me and putting up with my run on sentences and overall indifference to proper sentence structure and such. Hugs and love, my lovelies!

High Five!
Amy

p.s. Sometimes I can't find a relevant photo for an entry, so today I would like to begin the "random photo" addition to the blog...a photo that may have no relevance to the topics we discuss, but a photo that can be enjoyed none the less. Today's random photo shall be..."Cute Little Monkey."

Beach Party

Today was sleepy. In addition to the "word of the day," I will also share just a little update on my continuous fight with depression. I still believe fatigue is the contributing factor...the main one that is! My struggle with my weight has also been bringing me down. You know how people will say that they don't gain weight...that they're just small? That always kind of makes me mad because I'm supposed to be small too...I didn't gain weight either...I had a rock star metabolism...and then I got sick and everything changed. Anyway! I'm just trying to say that my self confidence is stunted right now, and my insecurities make my journey through depression more difficult. But I'm trying to do something about it...eat right, exercise, and keep active. Oh and in case anyone is wondering...no...none of that stuff I listed has ever helped with fatigue. I know...so great right? At least I have to stay on my toes with the lovely assortment of challenges I face day to day. So there's my little update. Again I must emphasize to all those who suffer with clinical depression to keep pushing yourself to a place of healing...don't ever give up the fight!

Moving on!

Yesterday my husband and I joined our friends at a beach party given by our marine friend's command. It was a wonderful good time!!! I've only had a few moments this season where I truly felt like it was summer, and last night was definitely one of those moments! We ate good food, drank cold beer, listened to music, threw a football, splashed in the waves, and enjoyed each others company on the shore with a gorgeous sunset for a backdrop! It was so relaxing and invigorating at the same time! I hope that we have more beach visits before the rapidly approaching end of this summer! And I hope y'all enjoy the picture overload that's about to happen :) My husband made the comment, "You took a lot of pictures of the sky." I explained, "Honey, I had to get all the stages of the sunset!" He just laughed and shook his head...there are just some things he'll never understand...oh well! Soak up the summer, dear ones, and I'll write again soon...hugs and love, my lovelies!

p.s. All of these photos are straight out of the camera except I cropped one. I may or may not go back and do some editing :)

Another Birthday Coming Soon

Today is ok.

I realized, after the fact, that my last post was my 50th entry. I feel like I should have written something more...I don't know...ummm...monumental maybe? Hmmm oh well...maybe I'll be more on the ball with my 100th entry...but I should start writing more or it'll be FOREVER before I  get there!

And I DO want to write more! I want to write every day and really try to reach a bigger audience, but I just don't make the time for it like I should. I talked about my new job in my last post, and that is still going well. But I feel like the approximately 30 hours a week I work there plus the constant housewife job wear me out more than the average person. It's not fair! We don't even have kids for cryin' out loud! So I guess with that being said, we can all observe that the vitamin D isn't making a difference with the fatigue just yet...but I knew it would take a while. Still couldn't help but hope for a miraculous change I guess! Anywho! I'm still hopeful.

What I really wanted to write about was my upcoming birthday...it's a little less than 2 months away. When I wrote about the end of my 20s here, I stated some goals for myself to complete before my 30th...a new me for a new decade. Well...I failed. If I weren't in such a good mood now, I'd probably be more weepy and dark and twisty here...so yay for all of us who get tired of hearing about my depression all the time haha! Moving on!

So! Instead of making expectations for myself that I'll stress and worry over...I shall treat this 31st as the 10 year anniversary of my 21st...which means it'll be a party...a celebration of a new stage of life...a chance to quit talkin' 'bout all the stuff I need to do and just freakin' do it! I'm not sure if that even makes sense to y'all, but it make sense (kinda) to me, and that's what's important I suppose.

Here's my wishlist for my birthday. Presents make everything better...even getting older :) I share this because two of the images you see represent what I REALLY want!

 The Dove represents the quiet peace during the heat of battle. The Tree of Love represents those who grow and stand tall together through adversity.


Additions to the tattoo on my forearm!!! My friend, Nicole, and I are the only people I know with the "Warriors in Pink" tattoos on our bodies. When I talked about adding to mine, she suggested I stick with the theme of breast cancer awareness...and that's just what I want to do! The symbols are so simple, but their meanings are so significant...and the meaning of a simple piece of art can make the image even more special. That's just what I believe anyway!

In an attempt to wrap this somewhat random and not so fluid rambling up, I will simply say that with this upcoming birthday, it's time to take control of this decade before it passes me by like my 20s...and that tattoos make everything better...oh and presents as well. Hugs and love, my lovelies!

Fatigue and Vitamin D

My fight with depression has been challenging. I haven’t had the desire to draw or write for several weeks now. I can’t possibly go into too much detail on all the doctor visits and additional meds I’ve acquired, but I can summarize it pretty easily. Started seeing my therapist, Net, but have only had one session with her. Saw my primary care about my fatigue and have been prescribed a high unit of vitamin D to take weekly. Net told me to keep a journal of what I’m thinking of every time I catch myself in the yucky mucky grip of depression, and I’ve zeroed in on fatigue and one other element that I can’t share right now. So, I’m hopeful that after all the tests and blood work I’ve been through, that the vitamin D deficiency and therefore treatment may turn things around for me. My fatigue has always been blamed on being diagnosed with the Epstein Barr Virus and my depression, however, treatment has never helped with the fatigue. I pray that over time I can bring my vitamin D levels up and see a significant change. I need a blue light though because although I love being outside, I usually seek shade because of my fair skin’s problem with sunlight and burning and freckling.  10 minute doses of sunlight will help without hurting me, but my levels are so low that it’s going to take quite a bit of time to bring them back up. So I feel like having a blue light for fatigue therapy with contribute greatly to my search for relief of this tired feeling that never goes away. I would greatly appreciate any prayers, well wishes, good thoughts, and positive vibes y’all might feel like sending me. A big thank you if you do!

So I work in a photo lab again. I’ll try not to say specifically where, in case I want to complain, but I’ll try not to do that anyway since the fact could easily be found out. I am enjoying being in a lab again, but I do miss my old lab. It’s a very different environment than before and with several new and annoying problems. However being around photos and hearing customer’s stories are happy things for me…and I’ll start printing MY photos again…I have 2 years to catch up on. Pictures on the computer will never be enough for me…I need them in photo albums and frames…much more personal and adds something  unique…since I know not many other people will have framed pictures of a cake that says, “Anchors Aweigh Mother F*****” for example! So yeah, I’m happy to be in a photo lab again.

I finally finished a drawing that took me forever to do! It’s called Over the Rainbow, and I think the title is significant because it was a struggle to finish it. Finally completing it was an accomplishment…I think suggesting the notion of “over the rainbow” is like saying I had a vision and finally completed it. I struggled with even liking it, and I wanted to give up several times…but I could never work past it. When I finished it, I took a picture of it on my cell and sent it to my dad for my parents to see. This was right before Father’s Day, and the night that I sent it, I got a call from my mama sayin’, “Your daddy loves that picture and would really like it for Father’s Day.” I sent him a card, but he’s still waiting on the picture…I need to get it matted and framed before I send it to him.

I’m really really really hoping that the vitamin D, the new job, and the completion of a difficult drawing are all signs for a positive turn around without all these dips I keep falling in to. I just want this fatigue to end…the end will be the light I’ve been searching for in the all too often moments of darkness.