Monday, January 23, 2012

Restoration and Black Hole Sun

this is my most recent project...i've been working on it for a month now...not steadily but rather on and off. i guess i wasn't feeling inspired for a while there. i was more preoccupied with stress over finding a job and preparing for my husband's deployment. however, a lot of changes in plans have developed! i will be moving to my home state during tom's deployment, and because of this, i won't be looking for a job until i'm settled back in out in oklahoma. so! my only stress now is getting ready to put our things in storage...and of course...still preparing for deployment...being separated from my best friend and love of my life for almost all of the second year of our marriage. sniffle. such is the military life. gotta suck it up!

so i'm back on track with my art! feeling inspired once more and feeling that intangible need to create!  part of this rejuvenation also comes with my new goals and personal determination to better myself. so let's deviate there for a bit before i go more in depth about this new piece...

i feel so ugly and gross. i feel like this body is not my it all of sudden got so much older and more pathetic. it's been really really...really hard. there are other reasons for this inner perception i possess, but i can't really talk about them here. fortunately, i believe that i've finally made it to a breaking point...a point where if i don't turn it around...i'm only going to get worse and worse. i use to be so fit and healthy...limitless energy! now i'm uncomfortable in this body...this body limits everything...this body keeps me from being the person i use to be. and i've been whining about it for a long time...every now and then starting new exercise routines or sticking with healthy eating habits...only to fall off the wagon or lose a grip on the dedication. not this time! it's been about 3 weeks now that i've been working out and eating better...and i've been pushing myself hard this time and even through pain and hunger and fatigue! i know with complete certainty that i am going to reclaim my former self this time...and i will be better than i've ever been!

so this's been a part of this personal restoration...i've been channeling memories of how good i use to feel in to this drawing...summer time memories and lake memories! memories of a time when i was young and healthy and had the world at my feet. as i've been drawing this i've had some song lyrics stuck in my head...

"black hole sun, won't you come and wash away the rain? black hole sun, won't  you come? won't you come?" (sound garden) of course the rest of the song doesn't necessarily fit with this drawing haha...but this particular part is somewhat fitting! i'm reflecting on the past...wishing for the sun in a sense of new light and...wash away the rain in a sense of ridding the gloom. make sense? this drawing is going to be a whole page of color and somewhat psychedelic's going to be vibrant and vivid. vibrant and vivid...that's how i want to feel too!


  1. Sounds like you feel how I do about my body. I've never been bullied or anything like that for my weight, and could really care less about society's ideal. But growing up skinny and healthy, and then as soon as I hit puberty I gained weight out of no where and kept gaining, I always felt uncomfortable in my body. And it wasn't until I started my weightless journey 3 years ago, and then again recently that I finally started feeling comfortable in my own skin.

    Btw, I do traditional art and digital paintings (specialty is in portraits). And only recently got into refurbishing furniture and home decor. I haven't drawn just for myself in a really long time though, and I miss it. I really should start again, even before I'm finished with school.

    Http:// is my website if you want to check out my work. It is pretty hilarious how similar our entries are lol.

  2. i was always small until i got sick with epstein barr virus when i was 20 and pretty much slept for months which killed my metabolism and caused a very fast weight gain...yay. lol :) i'm waiting to start feeling comfortable again on this journey! i went and checked out your website galleries, and i love your art!!! you are very talented, darlin'! i love the paintings and drawings the most...great detail and realism! definitely a fan here!