Here comes the "doing."

Hi there, dear readers...it's been a minute...actually over a year long minute. Should I try and summarize the details of all that occurred during that time frame or start a new conversation? Let's go with a new conversation but with a run down on my current stats haha...

Amy, The Ro Fo Sho -

 * Still battling depression of course...it's simply a part of my life, always present. You've heard it from me countless times and it's the same deal - living through the ups and downs on the roller coaster ride of mental illness.

 * My art and creating have gradually lost momentum and I've been working on revving it back up. A year ago I wrote about getting ready to start selling my art and that never happened. Here I am today saying I'm working on making it happen again...hoping I succeed with my intentions this time.

 * The biggest update in my life is a new job!!! Much happier where I am and beyond thankful to not be in the chain store retail industry!

 * I'm also dating and enjoying my time with someone, but those details are not for sharing at this time.

So! What's the point in me attempting to write and share once more after such a long absence? 2 reasons:

1. Depression. The conversation is still going, but I've noticed some changes in how the topic is being shared and discussed. I feel the need to jump back in because I'm a little concerned with some of these changes. I don't know if "concerned" is even the right word...I'll try and better explain what I mean in the near future.

2. Art. I've been talking about it for too long...seriously...years. I have to stop talking and start doing. So here comes the doing...

This week and next (and maybe the following) I will be ordering some packaging materials for my original art. I will be organizing and pricing as well as researching the best process for getting prints available for purchase in addition to my original creations. Then, I will start sharing items for sale! Whoo hoo! No one has expressed any interest in buying my art, but that's ok...I will still try.

Thanks for sticking with me, lovelies.

Amy Ro Fo Sho

Blooming and Busy

Hi there, my lovelies! I've tried to write a few times this last month and a half, but I just couldn't ever get the words out like I wanted. It's been another long up, down, sideways, and upside down on the bad roller coaster ride! Below is a little something I started writing about two and a half weeks ago that I wanted to make sure I share...

Hello, dear readers, how have y'all been? It's been more than a month since I wrote last and I'm terribly sorry for that, but it's been a difficult time as I'm sure y'all have imagined with all that I've been sharing about my struggles recently with depression. Ain't it a bitch, right? Let's be real, my friends! If I could pick one word for this last month, a word of the day of sorts for the last several days, it would be heavy. The fight, my eyelids, basic functioning...heavy...a pressing weight. Every thing I do is with a push; I'm shoving against a massive presence that would rather keep me on my ass. It takes so much energy to get from the start of the day to the end of the day...it makes me just want to sleep...sleep and sleep and sleep until I wake up and have been magically healed and revived!
(written May 11th)

I'm happy to report that the weight has lifted quite a bit...the heavy presence has eased. I'm doing better...but every day is still a fight, and it's not an easy one just yet. And yes, it does get easier...there will come a time when I will almost forget about the shadow of depression that always follows me...I'll be blogging one day, and it will occur to me that, "huh...I can't remember my last bad day." It will be a big boost...another "high on life" wave to ride, and I can't wait! Time...everything takes time...I'm just trying to be patient and stay optimistic as I battle through each day.

I've missed writing, however, and I realize that I need to make more of an effort to stay consistent with this blog. But I've been busy! Friends have been visiting every weekend for the past month and a half, and today I started my new job! So here's what I'm thinking about as I share the latest and greatest with y'all haha...this is a blooming and busy time during my journey. Buds were bursting into beautiful blooms around me each day, and they became symbolic to me. I watched them during their stages and transformations...wondering, "what will this one look like." I took photographs of them at each new development, and I made little collages for Instagram showing their progress. As the petals uncurled and soaked up the sun, I was also blooming, and the sun was giving life to me as well! I am healing...

 Friends visiting and socializing, preparing for my new job as a photographer, and now training for this job have kept me busy. The truth is I haven't been managing my time very well either! Whoops. Ok! So! Time to get my groove back! I have photos to share with you and paintings I've done and poems I've written...I'm looking forward to showing more of the art and creative side of this blog; excited to bring a little sunshine to this little corner of the Internet! For now I'll wrap with the obvious words for the day (and most recent days)...Blooming and Busy!

Hugs and love, my lovelies!
Been missin' y'all!
Love,
Amy Ro Fo Sho!!!

Tightrope Walking

Good afternoon, dear readers! I suppose I'll start with a word for the day...let's see...hmmm...unbalanced; that will work. I'm still walking this tightrope portion of my depression, and I've been wavering and teetering the whole time. I haven't fallen completely off, but I've clung to the line with eyes closed and not wanting to look or move. Sometimes I get a few steps ahead and am happy with my grace and progression, but I've still got a long way to go. This unbalanced section of the journey is truly exhausting, though, and I feel like I'm sleeping my life away! But I'm up now, and I have things to do, so I just have to keep pushing myself. Hopefully I find a job soon!

Moving on! I've left y'all hanging in my last couple of posts saying I would elaborate on a particular subject more, but I've yet to do that! So I'm just going to play catch up right now...

When I wrote about my practically perfect weekend, I mentioned thinking about my grandma. I started to write about it, but decided to save it for later; so I'm going to copy and paste what I began to share:

...practically perfect weekend, but by the time all of my company had left, I was confronted and left alone with the thought that had been lingering and waiting for my attention when I would no longer be distracted. "I want to call Grandma." I called her often but especially when the weather was nice or when a big football game was on, and I just couldn't help but feel that need for communication more intensely than ever since she's been gone. It struck me like a ton of bricks and I was gasping with grief through heavy heavy sobs...it was one of the most heart wrenching moments I've had since being back in Florida, and the first one without family close by for comfort.

I can think back on it now without feeling so intensely the lonely place her absence has left me in, but the memory of that sudden onslaught of sorrow stays vividly present like a similar wave might crush me at any moment. I miss my grandma so very very much...that's just the simplicity of it. I know I always will, but right now, while it's still new and tender, it just sucks...that's it...it just freakin' sucks.

When I wrote about my wonderfully inspiring night, I told y'all I would elaborate more later. Well, now I don't feel like recounting the conversations I had with a couple of inspiring individuals, so sorry 'bout that haha! What I will share is that after those dialogues, I was geared up and ready to go back to school! I've made this declaration so many times before I can't even guess a number; and obviously I never did make it back! Maybe this time, if I don't tell you about it right away, I'll actually do it and therefore update y'all when it actually happens...ummm...IF it actually happens. But here's the skinny on my brainstorm; I love writing, art, and photography, and so I feel like if I learn more and become more qualified in specific areas, I might actually find a profession I can live with while still chasing the dream of being a successful freelance artist and writer/be my own boss. We'll see what happens...I'll keep y'all updated ;)

Alrightythen, I'm going to go ahead and wrap this one up and start on a couple of more posts for y'all...standby for a discussion on deployment and a discussion on Fifty Shades of Grey...aww, do I have your attention? Haha! I'll leave you with a little collage of my face to showcase my new hair color...please excuse my tired appearance and disorder of my hair. Later, darlings, and hugs and love, my lovelies!

Peace
The Ro Fo Sho