Here comes the "doing."

Hi there, dear readers...it's been a minute...actually over a year long minute. Should I try and summarize the details of all that occurred during that time frame or start a new conversation? Let's go with a new conversation but with a run down on my current stats haha...

Amy, The Ro Fo Sho -

 * Still battling depression of course...it's simply a part of my life, always present. You've heard it from me countless times and it's the same deal - living through the ups and downs on the roller coaster ride of mental illness.

 * My art and creating have gradually lost momentum and I've been working on revving it back up. A year ago I wrote about getting ready to start selling my art and that never happened. Here I am today saying I'm working on making it happen again...hoping I succeed with my intentions this time.

 * The biggest update in my life is a new job!!! Much happier where I am and beyond thankful to not be in the chain store retail industry!

 * I'm also dating and enjoying my time with someone, but those details are not for sharing at this time.

So! What's the point in me attempting to write and share once more after such a long absence? 2 reasons:

1. Depression. The conversation is still going, but I've noticed some changes in how the topic is being shared and discussed. I feel the need to jump back in because I'm a little concerned with some of these changes. I don't know if "concerned" is even the right word...I'll try and better explain what I mean in the near future.

2. Art. I've been talking about it for too long...seriously...years. I have to stop talking and start doing. So here comes the doing...

This week and next (and maybe the following) I will be ordering some packaging materials for my original art. I will be organizing and pricing as well as researching the best process for getting prints available for purchase in addition to my original creations. Then, I will start sharing items for sale! Whoo hoo! No one has expressed any interest in buying my art, but that's ok...I will still try.

Thanks for sticking with me, lovelies.

Amy Ro Fo Sho

More Talking...

I'm at the pond with Kakashi and thought of more I wanted to say! Friends and family have said that they are there for me if I need or want to talk, and I've said the same to y'all as well. If you're like me, however, you might be feeling like you've done all the talking you can possibly do...what more can you say? Or you might not know exactly what to say about how you're feeling or how to start the conversation at all! At this point in my story my words help me explore what's going on inside me head daily; what kind of feelings and thoughts I'm experiencing; is this a good day or a bad day, up or down day? Then I sometimes have my word of the day. You can build up a whole dialogue starting with one or two words. Sometimes you just need to share your story of how you got where you are in the current moment. It doesn't have to feel like a therapy session and it doesn't have to be a complete gushing of emotions. When I say I'm here if you want to talk, you can email me and simply say you're having a shitty day...I'll write you back and we'll go from there. Just wanted to say a bit more on that! I'll wrap with my word for the day...loved...I feel loved today. Later this evening I'll write about how my depression and deployment are handling each other.

Hugs and love, my lovelies!
Amy...The Ro Fo Sho

Keep Talking

It's been four days since my public display of misery, and...I'm just...seriously just in awe of the responses I've received! I knew y'all would lift me up, and I swear, your prayers and thoughts are doing work...like a troop of invisible warriors helping my soul fight the darkness inside me! I'm feeling better every day, and I'm feeling more optimistic...my attitude is bolstered by your kindness, dear ones! I wish that all those who suffer with depression and other mental illnesses could have people like you all in their lives...it's heart breaking thinking about the ones who suffer alone. I know I don't even have to ask, but just in case, please remember to keep all who live with depression and such in mind.

A friend of mine asked what I did this past weekend, and I told him that I dealt with crippling sorrow and wrote about it on my blog and talked with friends and family who reached out to me after reading it. He said, "Don't be sad! Just be happy!" Of course, I explained that the chemicals in my brain need more than words for that to happen and that writing about it and sharing it helped me feel better, but it's only a part of the path towards healing. I don't believe he was trying to be mean, but he did ask if I talked about it so much because I wanted the attention. My response was that I don't need the attention, but the topic needs attention. I need support and love and encouragement from the people in my life on a personal level. Depression and mental illness need attention and conversation because it's a widespread situation, and the only time we hear anything about it is when a celebrity commits suicide or a pilot crashes a plane!

I've been told by several people that I am brave to speak so openly about my life with clinical depression...hearing that gives me somewhat of a greater resolve to keep on doing it, but it is mostly very humbling. The stigma and fear society attaches to this topic isn't fair! It shouldn't have to be brave to have an open dialogue, it should be normal and accepted to discuss what we live with just like someone would with cancer or diabetes and other diseases. Living with mental illness doesn't make me less or inadequate...I'm not a mistake of nature; I shouldn't feel like an outcast! Luckily for me, I don't feel these things, but I know it's not the case for most people. Should anyone ever tell me that maybe I should be a little quieter and maybe not talk about it so much, well, I'll only get louder and maybe even throw up a middle finger if I'm feeling feisty!

I know I sound better to you all, and I do feel better. But please understand that it takes time to find and feel the light again...and I'm no where close to being completely there yet! Right now, my couch looks so inviting, and I love the peacefulness of sleep. However, I'm going to take Kakashi out to the pond and write a bit in my notebook. What I'm trying to get across here is that even the littlest of choices like deciding between a nap and a walk in the sunlight can be tough. Some of you might decide to just stay on the couch or in bed and some of you might summon the energy to get up. Every day will be a challenge. I want to feel good again, and at least for today, I'm going to go sit outside in the sunshine.

Thank you again, dear readers, for staying with me on this journey...I'm here for you too! Email me if you need or want to talk - amyrofosho@gmailcom.

Hugs and love, my lovelies!
Amy

Here are a couple of photos of one of my favorite spots and of a poem I wrote yesterday.