Bruised But Determined

 

"Beaten"

I've shared this drawing before, but I'm sharing it again because it's probably the most relevant representation of my current feelings and state of mind. I was doing so well...so incredibly wonderfully well with my depression...like it didn't even exist anymore! I couldn't wait to share my happiness with y'all! As I told y'all before in the last entry, life has been challenging since the end of 2013 and beginning of 2014...and it's actually gotten worse. My most recent session with my psychiatrist helped me to realize that being in my home state and the confrontations I faced there, were triggers...I will be exploring more about what triggers my depression with my therapist these next few weeks. Anyway, my blissful, stable, and happy mind has been crumbling since returning from Oklahoma.

Grandma was back in the hospital, and I fear she won't be able to handle the next round of chemo. We're facing potential legal issues after I reacted in an emotional and unintelligent way. I lost friends because I reacted blindly in the shadows of my mind to something that probably could have been handled differently...and found out so many awful things that were thought about me. I've been emotionally eating and thus gaining weight. My heart is heavy everyday. This is one of the most challenging moments of my life.

But I'm determined to get back to that happy place...it was the best I had felt in years! Thankfully, my husband has been my strength while I've been shouldering weakness...I'd probably give up if he wasn't here to help me. It's during these upsetting times when a marriage is tested; and we find out that the enormity of our love will guide us through the dark...I feel like it's been a boost to our relationship...a reminder that we'll always be able to work through the tough spots if we stick together. 

My husband, the forgiveness and compassion others have given me, the understanding nature and encouragement of so many people, and my belief in myself...these are the things that will help me heal and find my happiness again.

Stay optimistic and stay determined, my friends...don't give up on yourself. Hugs and love, my lovelies!

Yours,

Amy

 

Life's Art - "Beaten" by Ro Fo Sho Art

"Beaten"

a broken heart is honestly a physical pain...if one has truly loved and lost, one will always feel that deep ache inside. i'm here to make some points about this that are very clear and straight forward...it may seem brutal, but to sugar coat something so severe is just plain ignorant and cruel really! here's the deal...no one and nothing is going to make it better...but it's not as simple as that. when one is hurting and suffering through this abstract pain, all the advice and words of wisdom in the world are simply going to do one of the following three things:

#1 - make the individual hurt worse
#2 - anger the individual...or...
#3 - roll over and through choosy ears

or that person could experience any combo or all three of these effects together! the advice and words of wisdom i speak of are classic cliches...easy to guess...but tried and true...

* time heals
* there are other fish in the sea
* it just wasn't meant to be
* it was for the best
* you'll be stronger than before

now...i say these phrases are tried and true because even though the individual who is hurting may experience the three typical reactions listed about...ultimately...when the pain has passed, all of those annoying cliches and little bits of comfort have indeed actually happened! time has vanished away leaving the past behind...and that love is just a memory...which in turn obviously wasn't meant to be. there is then an opportunity for something new...and whatever happens or doesn't happen...there will definitely be a new found strength!

so! if this really great advice does no good until observed in retrospect...how does one get through a broken heart? i'm tellin' you...you just get through. you hurt and you cry. you pray and you beg. you sleep and you hide. the heart is beaten...bruised and excruciatingly tender. but...you get up everyday and you do something everyday. there is school or work...or a project or an event. you have family or friends or both...and maybe even some coworkers. have meals, coffee, or cocktails...go dancing or swimming...just live. it's hard and you'll hear all of those cliches form everyone you tell your story to...but remember...it's all true when the dust settles. so just get through it...just live.

remember it's okay to mourn a lost love. it's perfectly normal to feel so abused. there will be time to wallow and grieve...allow yourself to experience that pain...ignoring it will make it worse. every heart gets beaten at least once in life.

stay with me, and i'll tell you more about how hearts hurt and how hearts heal. i'm here to tell you that i've come to realize my experience in life were meant for me to learn and share...for me to assure you that you are not alone and there's wrong and right ways to deal. take what i have to say and just see if it makes sense in your life...i bet it does;) hugs and love, my lovelies!