Bruised But Determined

 

"Beaten"

I've shared this drawing before, but I'm sharing it again because it's probably the most relevant representation of my current feelings and state of mind. I was doing so well...so incredibly wonderfully well with my depression...like it didn't even exist anymore! I couldn't wait to share my happiness with y'all! As I told y'all before in the last entry, life has been challenging since the end of 2013 and beginning of 2014...and it's actually gotten worse. My most recent session with my psychiatrist helped me to realize that being in my home state and the confrontations I faced there, were triggers...I will be exploring more about what triggers my depression with my therapist these next few weeks. Anyway, my blissful, stable, and happy mind has been crumbling since returning from Oklahoma.

Grandma was back in the hospital, and I fear she won't be able to handle the next round of chemo. We're facing potential legal issues after I reacted in an emotional and unintelligent way. I lost friends because I reacted blindly in the shadows of my mind to something that probably could have been handled differently...and found out so many awful things that were thought about me. I've been emotionally eating and thus gaining weight. My heart is heavy everyday. This is one of the most challenging moments of my life.

But I'm determined to get back to that happy place...it was the best I had felt in years! Thankfully, my husband has been my strength while I've been shouldering weakness...I'd probably give up if he wasn't here to help me. It's during these upsetting times when a marriage is tested; and we find out that the enormity of our love will guide us through the dark...I feel like it's been a boost to our relationship...a reminder that we'll always be able to work through the tough spots if we stick together. 

My husband, the forgiveness and compassion others have given me, the understanding nature and encouragement of so many people, and my belief in myself...these are the things that will help me heal and find my happiness again.

Stay optimistic and stay determined, my friends...don't give up on yourself. Hugs and love, my lovelies!

Yours,

Amy