Tightrope Walking

Good afternoon, dear readers! I suppose I'll start with a word for the day...let's see...hmmm...unbalanced; that will work. I'm still walking this tightrope portion of my depression, and I've been wavering and teetering the whole time. I haven't fallen completely off, but I've clung to the line with eyes closed and not wanting to look or move. Sometimes I get a few steps ahead and am happy with my grace and progression, but I've still got a long way to go. This unbalanced section of the journey is truly exhausting, though, and I feel like I'm sleeping my life away! But I'm up now, and I have things to do, so I just have to keep pushing myself. Hopefully I find a job soon!

Moving on! I've left y'all hanging in my last couple of posts saying I would elaborate on a particular subject more, but I've yet to do that! So I'm just going to play catch up right now...

When I wrote about my practically perfect weekend, I mentioned thinking about my grandma. I started to write about it, but decided to save it for later; so I'm going to copy and paste what I began to share:

...practically perfect weekend, but by the time all of my company had left, I was confronted and left alone with the thought that had been lingering and waiting for my attention when I would no longer be distracted. "I want to call Grandma." I called her often but especially when the weather was nice or when a big football game was on, and I just couldn't help but feel that need for communication more intensely than ever since she's been gone. It struck me like a ton of bricks and I was gasping with grief through heavy heavy sobs...it was one of the most heart wrenching moments I've had since being back in Florida, and the first one without family close by for comfort.

I can think back on it now without feeling so intensely the lonely place her absence has left me in, but the memory of that sudden onslaught of sorrow stays vividly present like a similar wave might crush me at any moment. I miss my grandma so very very much...that's just the simplicity of it. I know I always will, but right now, while it's still new and tender, it just sucks...that's it...it just freakin' sucks.

When I wrote about my wonderfully inspiring night, I told y'all I would elaborate more later. Well, now I don't feel like recounting the conversations I had with a couple of inspiring individuals, so sorry 'bout that haha! What I will share is that after those dialogues, I was geared up and ready to go back to school! I've made this declaration so many times before I can't even guess a number; and obviously I never did make it back! Maybe this time, if I don't tell you about it right away, I'll actually do it and therefore update y'all when it actually happens...ummm...IF it actually happens. But here's the skinny on my brainstorm; I love writing, art, and photography, and so I feel like if I learn more and become more qualified in specific areas, I might actually find a profession I can live with while still chasing the dream of being a successful freelance artist and writer/be my own boss. We'll see what happens...I'll keep y'all updated ;)

Alrightythen, I'm going to go ahead and wrap this one up and start on a couple of more posts for y'all...standby for a discussion on deployment and a discussion on Fifty Shades of Grey...aww, do I have your attention? Haha! I'll leave you with a little collage of my face to showcase my new hair color...please excuse my tired appearance and disorder of my hair. Later, darlings, and hugs and love, my lovelies!

Peace
The Ro Fo Sho

Wonderfully Inspiring Night

Word of the day: progress. It took me a little while to get going today, and I had to make it through a few excuses, but I eventually got up and fixed my hair and makeup and ran some errands. My groceries were mostly veggies and I'm eager to use the Magic Bullet my husband got me for Christmas; I WILL lose this weight! I bought a cheap little printer and some paper so that I can print out my different resumes and cover letters; I WILL have a job soon! Last night I went to the Art Walk on the Beach to scout the area for potential places I might like to work and to see what kind of art the local artists around here are doing...it was a truly lovely night. My sweet friend, Elizabeth, came along with me and after walking along in the chilly weather we stopped by our bar, Lynch's,  to warm up and drink a couple of beers. I'll share more about the night with y'all later; I just wanted to mention it because it was a wonderfully inspiring night! I went to sleep and woke up with a fresh surge of ambition and determination and ideas! Well anywho! Just wanted to check in with y'all;  I'll give you more details on how the night enlightened me next time I write. Dear readers, I hope you are having more up days than down days!

Hugs and love, my lovelies
Amy Ro Fo Sho

The following photo is one that my brother's girlfriend sent me today...just a beautiful snapshot and message to let me know that they were thinking of me. I thought it was incredibly kind. Amber, you are too sweet and most definitely a treasure. Thank you again, darlin'!

Bringing Back the Word of the Day

Just a quick little bit for y'all today, and I'm blogging from my phone...I'm going to try and blog like this more because I think it'll help me write more often. And I'm hopeful that if I'm just writing little bits now and then, I'll come across subjects I'd like to expand on in more lengthy posts. Remember the word of the day? I started it a while ago but dropped the ball at some point! Just to remind you, dear ones, the word of the day is a one word summary of how I'm dealing with my depression at the time...sometimes with a brief explanation why, but not always. Quick little tid bits from my phone will be good for me to kind of keep track of how my journey with mental illness is affecting my every day life. Today, I'm having trouble staying awake...I really want to just sleep all day. The word of the day is down...I'm just down.

Unfortunately, sometimes, down days can occur one right after the other; but when I go to sleep tonight, I'm going to tell myself that tomorrow will be a better day. Optimism can do magic, y'all! Dear readers, I'm sorry if you're having a down day. Let's hope for a happier Tuesday!

Hugs and love, my lovelies,
Amy

Practically Perfect Weekend

This past weekend was a great time with my dear Floridian friends! Lynch's Irish Pub is clearly my new favorite bar and preferred place to hang out with my sweet friend Elizabeth; seriously love this place! Love having my gal pal, Karla, aka sugar plum, around for simple every day things like cooking breakfast and running errands. Kakashi loves having his girlfriend, Athena, over for play time as well when Karla's visiting! Always great meeting other Navy spouses, especially ones with Sailors on the same ship as my husband; shout out to Alexis! It was wonderful having all three of these awesome chickies over for Super Bowl Sunday! Loved the game; enjoyed the halftime show, especially Missy Elliot; appreciated the few great commercials; and was grateful for end of the night fun with Cards Against Humanity with girlfriends!

When all of my company had left, I was overcome with sadness, but I'm not going to talk about that right now. My thoughts were on Grandma, and it was a very emotionally draining bit of time...there's much more to say, so this discussion will happen later!

So moving on! I was finally able to catch a call from my husband! My phone has been acting strangely, so I was missing calls without even knowing it until a voice mail notification popped up. This is a very frustrating situation for military spouses, y'all! We teased each other and laughed and had a quick little visit...every tiny moment of communication is always a treat during deployment :) Oh by the way! Let me share a pic he sent me since he's been gone...all I'm saying is that mustache better be gone by homecoming hahaha!!! (I love you, sugarbutt!)

 Just wanted to share a bit about my practically perfect weekend! Great weather, fabulous friends, and football...a truly awesome combination! Hope y'all had fantastic weekends as well and that this week is quick and easy! Shout out to my brother, Zac, who turned 30 this week...Happy Birthday, bro, love you and miss you! My siblings and I are now all officially in our 30's...wow!

Hugs and love, my lovelies,
Amy